


The Inevitability of Oversight

by DAsObiQuiet



Series: Force of Many Sights [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Family, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Free-Born Mentality, Freeing Slaves, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jedi, Jedi Code, Jedi Order Adapts, Jedi Order Changes, Jedi Temple, Jedi Training, Mental Health Issues, Personal Crusade, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Psychology, References to the Jedi Council, Slave Trade, Slavery, Slaves, Therapy, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, mind healing, slave mentality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-06-09 18:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15273888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAsObiQuiet/pseuds/DAsObiQuiet
Summary: Anakin has been at the temple for a while now and his life seems to have stabilized, mostly. No small feat for a time-traveling former Sith. But, even with support from those in the know, this tentative balance can't last. It's only a matter of time before something gives, and with Sidious directly involved, he can only prepare and hope; not something he's exactly good at.Sequel to Dangers of Foresight





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note 1: This is a sequel/continuation of 'Hindsight is Not Perfect' and 'The Dangers of Foresight'. If you haven't read those, this probably won't make a lot of sense. Both can be found under my stories
> 
> AN 2: Because it has been requested, here is a timeline for the 'Hindsight' series. The following is in chronological order:
> 
>  **'Hindsight is Not Perfect'** – 32 BBY
> 
>  **'The Dangers of Foresight'** – 32-31 BBY
> 
>  **'Sharing Outsight'** – Aprox 2 weeks after DoF ends
> 
>  **'Warmth of Resight'** – Early 30 BBY, aprox 1 month before IoO begins.
> 
>  **'The Inevitability of Oversight'** – Begins in 30 BBY (aprox 10 Galactic Standard months after DoF ends).
> 
> AN 3: Also, Anakin turned 10 not long after he reached the Temple, so he's 11 1/2, approaching the age of 12 right now. Well, physically.

 

Jedi Knight Nuun Hutchik stood in front of the Jedi Council calmly, not allowing his lekku to so much as twitch. The fact that he didn't know  _why_  he'd been called before the High Council would have had him straining to hide the curling of his lekku only a few short years ago, but he'd been working on his control for a while and could now reap the reward of not looking like a nervous padawan in front of some of the most intimidating Jedi in the universe.

At least he hadn't been the only one called, although he couldn't really find a pattern judging from those others he knew, up to and including Master Jocasta Nu. She was one of the oldest historians and archivists in the Order, true, but Nuun himself specialized in sociology, especially those of the inner core. He gathered information about the political climate and ideals of the general populace in worlds where a Jedi had been requested most often. Although, as both a member of the order and the EduCorps, he'd also gone on his share of missions. He'd joined the EduCorps after he'd gone through his trials to become a knight and hadn't regretted the decision. However, some of the other people who had been called, other members of the EduCorps, didn't hold a Jedi rank as he and Master Nu (and a few others here) did. So it couldn't be a mission they'd been called for. No, he had the feeling that whatever the reason for the summons, it would require a lot of studying, searching and reading.

But then, why hadn't Master Nu, the lead archivist and the head of the EduCorps, called them and explained what they were to do? Why the High Council? What could the EduCorps have that the High Council needed? And why so many? The people here weren't fighters or defenders or negotiators or ambassadors. They were scholars and researchers in their specific fields – which varied greatly.

Over on the end of the line those called had organized themselves into, stood two people, both of which he knew. Ruoda Ooak, a duros specialist who had been reassigned at the age of thirteen and did not hold a Jedi rank, specialized in cultures of the Mid Rim. With her near-photographic memory for almost anything she'd been told, she was one of the most revered EduCorps members for her age. The older human she spoke to was a Jedi Master, Tedrick Slilt who specialized in general Galactic history. Next to him, thoughtfully staring into space, stood Kishta Maat, a rare EduCorps torgruta who specialized in studying inter-planetary relationships.

Nuun repressed a sigh. He really had no idea what was going on, but he supposed that he was about to find out as it looked like the Council would finally address them.

"Thank you all for coming today." It took him a moment to realize that neither Master Yoda nor Master Windu had spoken, but Master Koon. That was... unusual.

"We have asked you here to give you an assignment that may dictate the future of the Jedi Order."

What?

"Everyone here has specialized in an area that will be beneficial to this project."

Nuun blinked again and surreptitiously glanced down the line of Force users again. Nope, still not seeing a connection.

"Each of you will be assigned a partner and then a topic to study. You will then research and present your findings in the form of an argument both for and against a change to be made to the base operation of the Jedi Order."

This time, Nuun was sure he wasn't the only one whose eyes had widened, and despite his best effort, his lekku curled for a moment before he managed to release his emotions to the force, which in turn, allowed them to relax. Blast it. But base operations? How base were they talking? Like the  _code_  base? Was this more or less an internal audit of the entire Order? He glanced to either side of him and realized that, yes, those called made much more sense after hearing that. Now if he could only get his mind to wrap itself around the idea.

"We know this is unexpected, and we do not expect a lot to change, but some things have been brought to our attention and we cannot continue without examining these issues. Each pair will be looking at the history of the Order and why each policy came into being, what the social and political climate of the time period was and why such policies had not been implemented before that point. You will then compare that to the current social and political climate and how each topic benefits or doesn't benefit the Order today. Any other points we as a Council need to consider should be included as well."

Nuun was staring in open shock, just barely keeping his jaw from dropping open at this point. Were they serious? Well, that was a dumb question, this was the Council, but  _still_...

"Master Tedrick Slilt, your partner will be Specialist Kishta Maat, and you will be researching the reasons behind the age limit of initiates." The older human and torgruta both stepped forward and received the data pad Master Gallia handed out.

Two by two, they were each called forward and asked to research things Nuun wouldn't have thought the Council would  _ever_  question. Two were assigned the reason why Masters only took one padawan at a time, and the effect that had on the current Order. Two were assigned to research the Jedi Service Corps and the policy of reassigning children who did not gain the attention of a master by the age of 13 (they were to focus on the reassigning and why people got reassigned, not the reasons behind the age limit, although they could work with Master Slilt and Specialist Naat if they so wished). Two were assigned the Jedi Order in relation to other Force sensitive groups and organizations in the galaxy. Master Nu herself and one of the other oldest, most respected EduCorps leaders, a rodian named Deerokko Ketu (who specialized in the study of wars and the prevention thereof), were assigned the Code itself as well as the 'no attachment' rule. One pair was even given the assignment of researching weaknesses enemies of the Order, both past and present (they specifically mentioned Sith for some reason that Nuun didn't want to think about), could exploit.

Nuun was given Ruoda as a partner and they were assigned to research the Jedi Order's relation to the non-Force-sensitive population in the galaxy. How the two groups interact, what each side expected of the other and how people viewed the Order in the past as compared to now. They also were asked for the possible side effects of the current standings.

Needless to say, he wasn't the only one who walked out of there in a sort of shocked daze.

xXx

Anakin raced down the hall towards Siri's quarters. His mind still hadn't really digested the information he'd just received. He just... couldn't seem to really wrap his head around this new development. It was shock, he recognized. He had quite literally gone into a mild shock.

He made a token gesture of knocking on Siri's door, sensing to make sure that she was there and alone (both were true, thank the Force), before he stormed inside. The blond woman was pacing nervously back and forth at one end of the apartment. So either she'd heard, or Anakin's emotions were affecting her again.

At the sound of the door opening, she looked over at him and he wasn't sure exactly what expression crossed her face, but eventually she settled on a sort of tired resignation that Anakin thought didn't suit her at all.

"Obi-wan took Ferus Olin as a padawan!" he blurted out as soon as the door closed.

"I heard," she said softly and looked away.

His own gaze lost focus as he, almost frantically, tried to figure this out, mind racing and tuning out the world around him. It didn't help.

"Anakin," he heard her say firmly and looked back at her. "What are you feeling right now?"

That actually snapped him out of the daze and put him into analytical mode, for which he was grateful. It seemed all of the practice he'd had with Girth these last several months (had it really already been almost a year that he'd been going to therapy?) had given him that, at least.

"Shocked," he responded immediately.

Siri snorted and waved her hand through the air. "You're not the only one."

Anakin managed a weak smile for a moment before he felt it vanish, and he went back to analyzing what he felt.

"A little... betrayed, I think."

She came and sat down on the couch, gesturing for Anakin to take a seat as well. "Why?"

Anakin thought hard about that. Why was he feeling betrayed over someone who hadn't really been  _part_  of his life in this timeline? He'd known that, gone over it again and again both by himself and with his mind-healers. And yet...

"I... think I always wanted to believe that Obi-wan – our Obi-wan – would have chosen me, even if he hadn't been forced to by Qui-gon's promise." Yes, that definitely felt right. There was more to it, but that was a huge chunk of it. "I guess this proves he wouldn't have." He let out a humorless chuckle. "Maybe that's why I always had issues with Ferus. He really does make a better padawan for Obi-wan than I ever did."

"Stop it," Siri growled. "This is no time for self pity. We've already changed enough in this timeline that comparing this Obi-wan's experiences to our Obi-wan is nothing short of an exercise in futility. Besides, you're immensely different here as well." She sighed and slumped a little on her couch.

"Do you feel anything else?"

Anakin paused. Even after this long, sharing his emotions wasn't... easy. He wasn't sure it ever would be, but it had helped, more than he'd thought it could. A lot more. And he was getting pretty good at it, if he did say so himself.

"Sad... I guess. I mean, part of me still balks at the idea of becoming his padawan again, but part of me – a large part of me – wants what we had back. He told me I was his brother. That he loved me. I was too angry and power-drunk at the time to really believe him then, but... I do now. And now that I do believe it..." He shook his head. "We don't know what we have until it's gone, I suppose. I... just never thought..." He never thought that he and Obi-wan wouldn't eventually be a team. Part of him still held out some kind of hope, but he tried to squash it.

Siri sat forward, speaking in a soft, reassuring voice. "Just because Obi-wan has taken Ferus doesn't mean you can't still be close. You and Obi-wan are still on good terms, and maybe if you become his padawan's friend you can help Ferus be a little less..." she paused, looking for the right word.

"Stuck up?" Anakin asked with a smirk.

The blond shot him a withering glare, but didn't dispute it. Then she took a deep breath and let it out again.

"You know," she said after a moment, her voice soft and nostalgic again, "before you showed up, he came by to tell me about his new padawan. I asked him why he'd taken Ferus and he told me that mainly he didn't want to see another kid, 'far more talented than' him – his words, not mine – hit the age of 13 and be sent to the Service Corps. Then he said, 'The Force didn't say "no" when I asked.'"

Anakin blinked. He hadn't known that Obi-wan had almost aged out. Obi-wan told him that he and Qui-gon had had a rocky start, but he hadn't realized it had been  _that_  bad.

Siri shook her head and stood up, heading over to the kitchen area and grabbing some tea cups. "I think he's still having problems dealing with... well, everything. I know it's been almost a year, but he's still hurting. He's also healing. This really is a good development."

Well, Anakin had to concede that point. This Obi-wan was still grieving, and him taking a padawan was actually a very positive step forward that spoke well of his own emotional progress. So why did it sound like Siri was trying to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Anakin?

"Also, he told me he's going to learn Soresu, 'so that his padawan will never have to lose his master the way I lost mine'."

They sat in silence for a minute while Anakin digested that. Then he shook his head. "I still think he needed mind-healing just as much as we did. Still do, I guess."

"No argument there," Siri replied. "But he's still being stubborn and won't go see one unless he gets an order from the Council." A charged silence fell as Siri continued to work in the kitchen. Then she stilled and Anakin turned to see her standing there, staring at the water she'd just begun to warm.

"Siri?"

"I also asked him about you," she said softly. "He... looked so shocked when I asked why he'd taken Ferus and not you. The utter surprise on his face... You know how he is. There are times when he's just so open that you can't help but know he's being completely honest. That it hasn't even crossed his mind to lie. With one of  _those_  expressions, he said that he never really considered it because he thought I was going to take you on once I got knighted."

Anakin blinked. The shock from before returned with a vengeance.

Siri went on. "I didn't think you and I had been spending that much time together, but from what I understand, he isn't the only one who thinks that."

The former Sith looked down as his mind raced. It had to be the lightsaber practice they did more or less every other day. He'd long-since surpassed all of the classes remotely close to his age, and Siri had taken to coming in and teaching him during saber class. It had earned him a few mild glares from some of the other students that he didn't know well. He tried to help out with the class whenever he could, however, so he didn't feel nearly as ostracized as last time. Also, he'd seen a great improvement in his little group of 'friends', as well. Hik'te and Coira were easily the head of the rest of their class, Hale wasn't far behind, Thoran had improved markedly, and even Maelee had risen from her position of last place. He liked to think his tutelage had a lot to do with it.

He and Siri had also benefited from the arrangement and had seen obvious improvements. In all honesty, Anakin still felt frustrated by his lack of saber ability, but found himself pleased with his progress. It was a... new state of being for him. He wasn't used to feeling pleased about anything he did unless other people praised or acknowledged him. But he'd begun to learn that he needed to compare himself to himself, not to others (and not to his future self either). As long as he was better today than he was yesterday, then it was an accomplishment he could be proud of. It was still a... strange idea to him, but one he was getting used to. Sort of. He still hated to duel a master or even advanced knights as they tended to wipe the floor with him even now, but it was something he was slowly learning to accept. He had value no matter what he did, and as long as he progressed, that was enough.

There were still days he didn't believe that though. He wondered if that would ever change, if the bad times would just slowly disappear as more days where he believed the healthier train of thought crowded out the days where he reverted to his initial slave mentality. He hoped so.

Siri cleared her throat, drawing Anakin out of his musings. Then she spoke. "The Council says they will send me through the trials, traditionally this time. Someone else must have gotten the under-cover mission to take out Krayn. I guess I was considered too emotionally unstable." She snorted again, some of her old humor coming back. A little coma and only two months of questioning my reality, and they thought I would be too compromised."

She still sounded a bit off. He supposed he could understand that... and relate.

The former Sith cocked his head, a little worried. "Are you upset you didn't get the mission?"

She sighed. "No, not really. I hated and always felt guilty about what I had to do under that man. I still have to constantly release my guilt and anger from that time to the Force, although it's gotten much better lately."

Anakin's eyes widened. Right. As an undercover agent, she would have more or less had to completely subject herself to the slaver she'd been investigating. She'd become little better than a slave herself, in all actuality. He hadn't realized before that she understood where Anakin was coming from, albeit to a much lesser degree. She'd also had a noble, idealistic cause behind her actions, but still.

"I... took Ferus as a padawan fairly soon after my original Knighting," she continued. "I'm having a difficult time picturing my future without him there."

The former Sith nodded. He could relate.

"You're a Jedi. You'll figure it out," he muttered, trying to be more supportive. It had been yet another thing he and his mind-healers had been working on. According to them, when you focus on helping other people through their problems, you often find a way through your own. He wasn't quite sure he believed that as thoroughly as they insisted upon it, but even their small suggestions had really been helping him, so he'd begun to get into the habit. Besides, he'd always liked helping others – well, when he hadn't been completely subservient to the dark side.

"Ferus and Obi-wan will make a good team," he said a little louder, still trying not to feel hurt about that. He hadn't realized just how much his relationship with Obi-wan meant to him, baggage or not. Without the idea of Obi-wan there he felt kind of... lost. As much as he hated to admit it.

Siri hummed thoughtfully. "Yes, they will."

He could sense sadness and loss from her too. She wasn't hiding it from him or herself like she'd tended to after they'd first come back, and that had to be a positive development. She continued to let the tea steep and came back into the room, taking her previous seat.

"I... think Ferus was protecting Leia," Anakin said, thinking over his later encounters with the man. "In the future, I mean. Well, the  _other_  future."

"What?" his blond companion asked, surprised. "What makes you think that?"

Anakin returned her bewilderment. "You... don't remember?"

She frowned. "Remember what?"

A sick feeling started climbing up his esophagus. He felt his fists clench and tried to control the apprehension rising within him. "How he died," he said slowly.

Silence fell as Siri wracked her memory for that.

"No... I don't."

Trying not to make it look abrupt, Anakin rose. "I see. Well, we'll have to discuss that at a different time. I must be going to class."

It was a blatant lie. He didn't have class for another hour at least. But they'd just gotten to a point where they were amiable, friends even. He didn't want to have what they'd tentatively built torn down, and he  _really_  didn't want to see the defensive, distrusting Siri from a year ago return.

Too bad he'd never been diplomatic. Even he almost winced at the obviousness of his words as soon as they'd come out of his mouth.

"You killed him, didn't you." Anakin froze. After a very pregnant pause in which Anakin didn't move, Siri continued, "I know he survived Order 66 because he wasn't a Jedi. I know he almost went dark... because he hated you. He... knew, didn't he?"

Anakin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, releasing his fear to the Force, and then he sat back down as calmly as he could. "Yes. To this day I am not entirely sure  _how_  he figured it out, but he did. I suspect he had some connection with Obi-wan, but I never found the proof. Perhaps he simply joined the rebellion, but he'd disappeared beforehand. For years. I think I always knew he wasn't dead, but when he confronted me... " He let out a slow breath. "It was a distraction. I know the Princess... Leia, was there, but his efforts let her escape me. I am grateful now, as I may not have let her live had she fallen into my custody at that point." Had that been before or after he'd found out about Luke? He couldn't remember.

That blasted heavy silence returned as he awaited her verdict on his actions.

"I would be lying if I said that didn't upset me," she said finally. "But, I don't feel surprised, so I think I already knew." Either that, or she just wasn't shocked that, as a Sith, he'd killed someone very dear to her. It had been something he'd done to people on a fairly regular basis during that period of his life.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," Anakin muttered, amazed at how easily he could say that now. Say it and mean it, too.

Siri closed her eyes and took a deep breath, obviously releasing her emotions to the Force. "I know you are, Anakin. I haven't doubted that for a while now."

The admission warmed his heart, and he couldn't help but feel as if a weight had lifted off his chest at her words. "Thank you," he said softly, but sincerely.

The quiet that followed felt more companionable than anything as she went back into the kitchen and fetched the tea.

"So," he ventured hesitantly as his mind went over their conversation. "Are you planning on taking me as a padawan?"

She sighed as she walked back into the room and put a cup down in front of him. Milk, no sugar, no cream, just as he liked it. Maybe they really had been spending too much time together.

"I don't know. I guess that would depend on whether it would help our plans or not. I mean, it isn't like you need me trying to teach you or anything."

"True," Anakin conceded easily. He thought about that for a moment, then shook his head. "No, not right now," he said. "It could disrupt a few too many plans we've already put in place." Such as the Ambassador program. That entire situation had surprised them greatly as Palpatine hadn't taken any of the Jedi children as an aid. Somehow, Anakin couldn't help but think that this had something to do with Dooku's acceptance of Sidious' offer. That might also explain why the program had changed from one month stints to three month stints regarding how each initiate and they didn't work in pairs. Sidious wasn't trying to go through every child as quickly as possible to find an ideal candidate anymore.

Still, their third 'shuffling', as they'd begun to call the process of changing padawans and the senators they aided, would be happening soon, and it seemed Palpatine might actually ask for someone this time.

Surprisingly, his time at the Senate hadn't been much of a strain on his, or any of the other Initiates' schedules. They were, for all intents and purposes, glorified gophers for a few hours a week. Truthfully, Anakin wasn't too upset about that. The job didn't have a whole lot of responsibility attached to it and many often forgot that the initiates were even there. He'd still managed to catch and point out a few things when the senators and their aides had been researching, but had come across nothing of note – well, to him.

His first assignment had been to Hisket Borra, a torgruta from a colony world in the mid-rim. His second had been, surprisingly enough, to Bail Antilles of Alderaan.

He was pretty sure he'd been able to hide the awkwardness he'd felt in that assignment for the first few weeks. That man's child had adopted Anakin's daughter. Anakin had held said daughter back while their planet was destroyed. Antilles had initially supported Padmé's vote of no confidence in the other timeline and was a pretty staunch supporter of Palpatine now – The Chancellor who wore the mask of a saint.

Anakin had little doubt that Antilles was a good person. He was also a good politician and thus, Anakin couldn't help but be wary of him, even if they had parted on good terms.

His third appointment had been to that of Je'crie'mo from a Mid Rim planet called Parthor. He didn't remember anything about the senator or the planet when he'd initially heard of them and that hadn't changed much. In honesty, they seemed like fence-sitters: people who didn't choose a side until one obviously won. Needless to say, Anakin hadn't been impressed, but they had still been average people whom he hadn't had issues being around.

All in all, the whole program had been one pleasant surprise, more of a break than anything, really.

Somehow, though, he knew this was the calm before the storm. Eventually, he would have to face Palpatine. Xio, Girth and Siri were all still against it, but Anakin was adamant. If anyone had to face the Sith Lord, he would not let it be an inexperienced initiate.

"We may not have much of a choice if it takes too much longer to get any blackmail on Palpatine," Siri muttered, and Anakin had to backtrack. It took him a moment to realize that she was still stuck on the idea of him becoming a padawan. Right.

He considered her words and nodded. "True, but we have two years until I age out."

Siri didn't speak for several seconds, studying him again, an almost proud expression on her face.

"What?" Anakin asked, puzzled.

"The way you said that," she replied. "No fear – no negativity at all, really. You're just stating a fact. You sound like you truly don't care either way."

The younger Jedi considered that for a moment. "I don't," he finally replied. "I only care about taking out Palpatine. That's all that really matters at this point."

This time, Siri frowned.

He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Your future matters too, Anakin."

For several seconds, neither one of them spoke as Anakin considered that, even more confused. Why would his future matter? Except as it correlated to the universe and the survival thereof. It wasn't like he deserved a good future. Not after everything he'd done.

He'd told her that before, though, and simply couldn't fathom why she'd disagree. She said she'd forgiven him, but that didn't mean he'd made up for his past. He wasn't sure he ever could.

Sensing the old argument, and obviously not up to the challenge, Siri sighed. "We'll discuss it later."

"Very well," he replied, thankfully letting the matter drop.

"Anything from Dooku?" she asked, before continuing to sip her tea.

Anakin sighed and shook his head. He had gotten a few updates from the Count but nothing really concrete. Not that he'd expected otherwise. Apparently, neither had Siri. They'd told Yoda about him and their suspicions. The Grandmaster hadn't been happy about the whole thing, his ears had drooped further and further the more Anakin and Siri had told him. After they'd finished, he thanked them for their efforts on his padawan's behalf before shuffling sadly away. If only for the old troll's sake, he found himself holding out hope that Dooku was actually resisting, even if he knew better.

She sighed sadly and shook her head. "What about Fett?"

The former Sith felt his mouth thin. "I actually have heard from him recently. He wants to meet me."

Siri raised her eyebrows. "He what?"

"He wishes to meet me. I've already set up a time and place." He forced himself to speak as if he were stating a fact, hiding how uneasy the circumstances made him. He'd hadn't received confirmation regarding his updated slave list that he sent the man several months ago, although he'd reported mission success at least once a month, if not more, requesting new drop-off points and his payments.

When Anakin had sent it a second time with an explanation that he'd received word that these slaves were either already freed or dead, Fett had responded with an affirmative. Everything should be going fine now, so why would the bounty hunter want to meet up with him? Especially with how he'd worded the missive...

Fett wasn't happy with him, and Anakin didn't know why, but he felt he had to meet the man, if only to try and talk him down from turning any information about him over to Palpatine. Anakin had looked up the bounty on his head, and it wasn't insignificant.

"You shouldn't, then," Siri said, nervously. "He might try something."

Anakin shook his head again. "If I don't, he  _will_  try something. I worked with Boba Fett a lot under the Empire. Jango is old Mandalore and follows that code, albeit loosely, but he's still fairly predictable."

Siri snorted. "Of course he's predictable. He'll put a blaster to your head the moment your back is turned."

"While I can see why you would think that, I can guarantee you, he won't. At least not until we've spoken." The moment they finished their conversation, all bets could be off, but as long as Anakin went in knowing that, he didn't have a problem with it.

"Do you want backup?" Siri asked.

Anakin thought about that for a moment, then nodded. "That could be useful."

The woman sighed. "I'll make plans for it. When are you meeting him?"

"Three days from now, in the evening." It was the weekend day and thus, Anakin didn't have any classes.

Siri frowned. "I should be able to get out of previous engagements." She continued to think on that before nodding. "Yes, I'll be there. Meet you here at..." She faded off, shooting him an expectant look.

"Seventeen hundred hours. That will give us enough time to make a plan, don our disguises, and get into place."

"He'll have the same idea."

"Undoubtedly."

Siri rubbed the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. "You still haven't told Master Yoda about this, have you."

Anakin shook his head, looking (and feeling) completely unrepentant. Actually, he'd only told Siri because she'd somehow managed to catch him sneaking out to race and insisted she at least tell him of his more shadow-based activities. Once she had realized she wouldn't be able to talk Anakin out of his personal crusade, she'd agreed to keep it a secret as long as she could accompany him and back him up when he needed it. Bleersh hadn't been too happy when he'd initially shown up with Siri in tow. He'd been convinced she'd turn them all in. But after a few times, he'd warmed up to her (as much as the bookie ever really could) and was even grateful for the extra protection she provided. He'd insisted that they never bring their lightsabers out – ever – but had been happy enough to provide them with some rather... illegal firearms and then encouraged them to protect themselves and him. She'd even agreed to race for Anakin when he couldn't make it.

All in all, she was very supportive. It was... weird.

"I still think you should tell him."

Right. Master Yoda. Anakin really needed to work on staying focused. It was harder, as of late, and he suspected more physical development of his childish brain. He knew such changes were positive and would help him in the future, but that didn't stop it from being frustrating now.

"No," Anakin said, voice firm. "It doesn't matter whether he knows about Fett or not, as I refuse to quit my quest to release slaves. I would prefer to not have to explain myself again. It is as simple as that."

"I think he already knows."

The former Sith blinked. "He... does?"

Siri nodded.

And just how did he know? Anakin gazed at her suspiciously, but she held her hands up and shook her head in the universal gesture of 'not me'. She seemed sincere enough that he accepted it and shrugged. "Then it is doubly as pointless to tell him anything."

She sighed.

"Are you still going on the Gathering next week?" she asked, changing the subject again as they'd agreed to disagree on the previous one.

"I do plan on it. Will you be covering for me in the racing circuit?"

"Yes," she said reluctantly.

He glanced at her and smiled. She didn't want to, but she was still supporting him. "Thank you."

She returned the smile, albeit a bit wryly.

"What about Ahsoka? Have you visited her recently?"

Anakin frowned. "I have had... little time."

Siri raised one unimpressed eyebrow.

After a few seconds, Anakin sighed. "Very well, I will visit her tonight."

"Good," Siri replied with a nod of her head and a smile. "And how is your friend doing? The one who's training under Master Xio?"

"Coira?" he paused and raised an eyebrow in Siri's direction. "I realize it has been a while since we simply talked, but since when did this become a catch-up conversation?"

She rolled her eyes fondly. "Since you needed to get your mind onto something else."

He actually chuckled. "I see. She is doing as well as can be expected. Her life hasn't as changed much as initial padawans lives can. Master Xio doesn't leave the Temple often, but she is enjoying the new courses on mind-healing."

Siri frowned. "I'm hearing a 'but' in there somewhere."

Anakin thought about that for a moment before nodding. "I think she's having trouble adjusting, despite the few changes she has. I am not sure as to why. Truthfully I do not believe she does either."

"That sounds frustrating, but every new padawan/master relationship has a period of discomfort and adjustment."

"True," Anakin conceded, thinking back to his own first few months with Obi-wan and then shuddering. So much for getting his mind off of the situation at hand.

After a moment, he put his cup down and looked over at Siri. "Would you join me for lightsaber practice?" If he really wanted to get his mind off of everything, that would be the best way.

Somehow, she looked like she'd been expecting that. "We've already practiced today."

"Another session won't hurt us."

She laughed. "I guess not. Give me a moment to get my saber and I'll be right there."

xXx

Four days later, Anakin received word: Palpatine had asked for a young Jedi Ambassador. It was official: Anakin would be working under Darth Sidious again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Somehow, this room had become so comfortable for him. No, that wasn't quite the right word. Pleasant? Happy? Maybe, but not quite. No...

 _Safe_.

Yes, that was the right word.

Well, safer than other parts of Coruscant or even the Temple.

It was a silly thought, now that he examined it. This room was merely a meeting place. And yet, the people he met with here reminded him of his mother. Or at least the feeling of security he got around them reminded him of his mother.

His mother whom he'd been able to talk to not even a month ago. Hearing her go on about how proud she was, and her life and how she was happy, despite remaining on Tatooine, and how much she appreciated everything the Jedi did...

It had been a whirlwind of emotion that he'd had to go through with a fine-toothed comb with both Healer Girth and Master Xio. Actually, this would be the first session that he would come to after his call to his mother where they wouldn't focus specifically on that happenstance.

No, in this session they would talk about how Anakin felt towards his new assignment as Palpatine's Jedi Ambassador.

He wasn't looking forward to it – either the meeting or the assignment.

He sat there with a drink in one hand, unable to really stomach the idea of eating a pastry at this point, clutching the cool duraplast cup as if his life depended on it as he stared out the window. In the distance and off to the side, he could see the Senate building looming over the horizon like a great, mechanical boil.

"Anakin," Girth's voice had Anakin slowly turning to look at him. "Can you talk about it yet? Are you ready?"

A year ago, Anakin would have dodged the question. Six months ago, he would have said 'yes' without much thought (and then stumbled through something that wasn't even remotely related, utterly confused as to why he couldn't say what he wanted). Now...

"I'm not sure I'll ever be ready," he said honestly, turning his gaze back to the distant Senate building. "I'm kind of numb right now."

"Numb out of choice, or out of necessity?" Girth asked slowly.

Anakin thought about that for a moment. "I'm... not sure."

"We don't have to speak about it if you don't want to."

For several seconds, they remained silent while Anakin mulled that over. He could feel his emotions riling under the calm numb blanket, which was actually probably a good thing overall. It meant he had a modicum of control for now, but could reach those emotions if he really wanted to.

He didn't.

But he knew he had to. And the sooner the better.

That didn't make the prospect any easier.

"I... think I have to," he said finally, voice low. "If I face him as I am right now..."

And there was a spike of fear piercing the numb. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and released it to the Force as best he could. He still wasn't all that great at it. Even worse than he had been the first time around, if he were honest.

"If you think you can do it right now, I'm here to help," Girth assured him. "If not, Master Xio will still see you in a couple of days."

Anakin swallowed. He liked Master Xio. He really did. She'd become one of the few Jedi he felt he could really respect. But he wanted to speak about this with Girth first. For some reason, he trusted the drall more.

"I think I'm scared," he whispered.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Girth nod. "Understandable."

"No..." Anakin's voice went even softer. "I'm  _terrified_." He still hated admitting that, but knew it was necessary right now if he wanted to begin to untangle the knot of pain and negativity his emotions had become.

"Of what, Anakin?"

The former Sith blinked and turned to look at Girth with a puzzled expression. "I would have thought that was obvious."

Girth shook his head. "You mistake my meaning. Let me rephrase that. Why are you scared Anakin? What about seeing that man again scares you? What are you afraid will happen?"

Oh, he was looking for specifics.

Anakin opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. His chest felt tight and it was taking conscious effort to keep his breathing even... or going. Sometimes he really did miss the ventilator that would do it for him.

After several seconds, he managed to get something out. "I'm... afraid he'll..." he swallowed. "I'm afraid he'll turn me again."

"Anakin, turning is your choice. It always was, and it always will be. He just lied to you to validate your decision."

"I know that," Anakin responded, his voice raspy and eyes still stuck on that building on the horizon. "I know that and yet..." He finally turned and locked Girth's gaze. "You've never seen what that man can do. How he gets inside you with the smallest word. How he takes your barest thought and makes it a maelstrom you can't ignore. How he tears down every truth you've ever held yourself to and leaves you in tatters, then builds you back up as he needs you without you ever realizing. I'm not stupid by any means... but I am... volatile at times, and I am nowhere near as intelligent as he is, or as experienced – even now."

Girth cocked his head to one side. "So you are afraid that he will take the truths we have built and tear them down?"

Anakin blinked and nodded. "Partly."

"And the other part?"

This time, the 11-year-old swallowed. "I'm not... healthy yet. I can see that now. I'm not sure I'll ever have a freeborn mind set."

"As long as you're aware of it, it's something we can work with, though," Girth said slowly, looking troubled.

Anakin nodded. "Indeed. I... I can acknowledge that I have made strides forward, even if it doesn't feel like it. But it's not  _enough._  He'll be able to take advantage of me as I am. Root out old problems I haven't been able to address yet... and somehow make his words seem so  _true_. He can make things that you don't even  _know_  are problems seem like impassable obstacles."

Girth was quiet for several seconds.

"How sad," he finally muttered.

The human boy blinked. "Excuse me?"

Girth followed Anakin's previous gaze, even though the Senate building wasn't visible from where he sat. "He could use that for so much good."

Anakin's first thought was to snort. His second thought was a realization at just how right Girth was. It kind of hurt to realize just how much good Palpatine could do with his skill set. Hadn't he proved that by even just putting on the mask of a kind, caring senator?

"Perhaps," he agreed quietly. "But unless there is something in it for him, he never will."

Girth sighed. "Anakin your fears are not completely unfounded. It's okay to feel it, and I'm proud of you for acknowledging it. It shows how far you've truly come. But even with the contingency plans we have in place, we'll have to be extremely careful until we get the proof necessary to make a case against him."

Proof that they were still sorely lacking. Blast Palpatine and his kriffing ability to cover his tracks.

"That's one reason why I can't back out of this. I might be able to get the proof we need."

Suddenly Girth was standing in front of him, holding the arms of Anakin's chair so as not to touch him but still managing to ground him. Always the professional. And yet he still made these sessions so personal too.

"Anakin, you can back out of this. We can find another way. Have a master take you as a padawan, even if just for show, or even just tell him you got sick. With one person, it won't be that difficult to convince him. He might be suspicious, but he can't get in here. You are safe from him here, even if just for now.

"The only person who thinks this is necessary right now is you, Anakin. I reiterate, we can find another way."

"What other way?" Anakin asked back, a little heatedly. "Some other, random initiate goes in there and gets themselves emotionally destroyed in my place?"

"We'll set up mind-healing sessions for them too. I would personally oversee it."

"And what about the proof?"

Girth let out another sigh. "Again, there are ways, Anakin, and Master Yoda says he is open to them. He is going along with this only because you insisted. None of us like this, Anakin.  _None_  of us! We would all rather see you safe."

Anakin frowned, feeling his heart sink. "Yeah, so the universe doesn't have to worry about Darth Vader again."

The drall frowned. "Anakin, look at me."

Reluctantly, the boy did so, seeing the fuzzy face with the different shades of brown all mixing into a soft chocolate and those round eyes that still managed to focus on him, despite being close to the sides of his head. The face of a race descended from prey. And yet, Girth seemed so strong – so steadfast – in Anakin's eyes.

"Do you honestly think that is the reason I'm doing this? Preventative measures purely to save my own skin? That I don't care for you at all?"

A year ago, Anakin would have said yes – regardless of what he actually thought, too hurt and cynical to really be able to say anything else. He couldn't do so now. Part of him felt relieved while another part of him felt broken and raw. Stupid pride.

"No."

Girth smiled. It didn't show his teeth and felt soft, tender almost, especially with that twitching nose.

"Good. Anakin, People care for you, and you need to know that. I am one of them. Even if you had no power or sway over the future of the universe at all whatsoever, I would still want to see you happy. Can you believe me?"

Anakin contemplated that before he looked away and nodded. Why did he feel so young right now? Mentally he was older than the drall! Well, about the same age, but still.

Thankfully, Girth decided to go back to their previous line of discussion. "Now let me reiterate, there are other ways to get what we need. We can plan, we can implement, we can hire whoever we need to hire, but we will find a way without you doing this – without you having to confront him. I don't want you feeling trapped or backed into this plan of yours. Please, promise me that you are not doing this because you are sacrificing yourself."

The blond stared at the rodent-like person in front of him for several seconds. Then he looked down as his mind went over that. It took him a few minutes to realize that Girth – as usual – was right. At least partially. Anakin was very much doing this because he saw himself as a viable sacrifice.

"I... can't promise you that," he said slowly.

"Then I'm calling it off," Girth said firmly and he turned to walk over to where his comm sat on the little side table.

"NO!" Anakin yelped, sitting forward and holding out a hand, "You can't!"

"Anakin, I can't let you go into this if you are determined to sacrifice yourself."

"Fine, I won't!"

Girth paused and studied him for several seconds. Then he shook his head. "I can't let you do this. Not in good conscience."

"I have to!"

Again, the drall hesitated as he picked up his comm and turned back to his patient. "Have to what?"

Anakin opened his mouth, then closed it and swallowed, before opening it again. "I have to... face him. I'm terrified and... I hate it. But I want to overcome that. I have to, because fear leads to anger and anger to hate and hate to the dark side. I... I can't keep running and hiding from him."

Girth's frown deepened. "That doesn't mean you're ready now, and that's okay, you know, right?"

Anakin blinked and focused on breathing for a moment before nodding.

"Yes, I know. And maybe I'm not completely ready, but as I said, I don't think I ever will be. If... if I back out of this now, I will always wonder, especially if it works out poorly. I... Perhaps I am being selfish, but I have to do this. I don't think I've ever dreaded anything like I do this, but I don't want that to chase me away from this. Please... don't call it off."

A pregnant silence fell over the room, broken only by the steady sound of air coming through a vent.

Then, finally, Girth sighed and put the comm down.

"I'm doing this because I believe in you, Anakin. But I will only agree to allowing you to do this now if you promise me you will do everything in your power to not make yourself a sacrifice – not your life, not your morals, and not your soul. Are we understood?"

He could think of several instances where he would gladly be the sacrifice. He still didn't want to kill anymore, too afraid that if he did, he would fall back into old habits. And he wouldn't let anyone else go down that path either. If he had to sacrifice himself to stop someone from making the same mistakes he did, then so be it. But... he could go into this with a different mind set. He was the spy, the wild-card, the deep-cover agent... not the lamb (or in this case monster) being led to the slaughter.

He could do that.

Couldn't he?

"That," he finally said with a small smile, "I can promise." He really hoped he wasn't lying.

Girth returned the smile, although it did look a little shaky. Somehow, Anakin didn't think that either one of them was fooling the other... or themselves.

"Very well." He sighed and left the comm on the table as he returned to his seat and took a sip of tea himself.

Then he took a deep breath. "Where were we? Ah, yes, we were going over your fear of Palpatine, despite your determination to see the confrontation through. So, we've spoken of why you are afraid, but I'd like to go a little further into that."

The former Sith frowned. He didn't like admitting his fear, even now. He'd already said he was terrified. That had been hard enough to say, no matter how justified.

"What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly.

"If you can, tell me how you fear him."

Anakin frowned. "How... I fear?"

Girth smiled. "One way to try and overcome fear is to identify it, not only it's cause but how it affects you. There are many types of fear: physical fear, mental fear, emotional fear, fear we know and understand, fear in ourselves that we don't realize we have and don't understand, ingrained fear, fear that overwhelms and drags down, fear that keeps you alive. Most negative emotions are fueled by fear. IE: One gets angry only because they are hurt or scared. One is arrogant because acting otherwise would irretrievably give away control and possibly acknowledge terrifying ideals that are difficult to face. Does that make sense?"

Anakin thought about it and nodded. This was more familiar territory – another identifying exercise. Girth liked those.

"What would you classify your fear of Palpatine as?"

The former Sith swallowed but thought about it. "Emotional," he paused, "mental, ingrained, but... a fear I understand."

"Are there any of those that you wish to discuss further or give an example of?"

More silence, and then. "No... not today." Despite not having been there long, he felt strung out and tired, like he'd been stretched too thin.

"That's fine, but, now that you've classified your fear, is it as overwhelming as it used to be?"

Anakin blinked.

Now that he mentioned it... "No, I guess not."

Oh, it was still there, a monster waiting to rise up, seize him and drag him under. But he felt more in control of it now, and so it wasn't as debilitating as it had been just minutes before.

Girth smiled again. "Excellent. Do you feel better prepared to face that man?"

Anakin thought about it. He was still scared...  _very_  scared. And yet...

"Yes," he said. "I do."

"Wonderful. Now, let's discuss what we will do after you come back from each time block you spend with him."

xXx

Somehow, Anakin didn't think that his sessions with D-40 would continue on for much longer. As helpful as the droid had been, now that his mind healers actually knew and understood his situation, it just didn't make sense to keep using the droid. And yet, Anakin still dutifully walked into the small side-room to meet with her.

"Good afternoon, young master."

"D-40," Anakin acknowledged with a nod of his head as he took a seat across from the droid.

She regarded him for a few moments. "You seem to be in some distress regarding the topic you were speaking of with Healer Girth," D-40 said in her matter-of-fact tone, apparently noting Anakin's pale face and the firm stance he tended to take when feeling weak, no doubt. "Perhaps we should speak of something else?"

Anakin nodded tightly. "That would be... preferred."

D-40 returned the nod before cocking her head in a very mechanical imitation of a human. "I believe I know a topic you have not discussed with me yet and I am curious. You have mentioned your time with your former Jedi Master, Obi-wan Kenobi. Perhaps we could speak about him?"

And there went any calm he'd managed to grasp after that session. Anakin scowled and rolled his eyes. Well, so much for calmer. Although it  _was_  something that had little to do with a certain Sith Lord and it had been something on his mind recently.

"Fine," he said, too tired to really argue. D-40 could be surprisingly stubborn. On that note, he decided to just jump in. "I first met Obi-wan when..."

xXx

It took him two hours to tell the droid about his former master, and even then he left a  _lot_  out. He just didn't have the time, so he summed up their relationship as best he could. He must have done a decent job, because the droid was silent for a few moments.

"It sounds like you have a complicated past," D-40 said softly, well as softly as a droid could.

Anakin snorted. "I believe that would be classified as an understatement."

"But despite this, you seem... upset that he did not ask you to be his padawan this time."

For several seconds Anakin didn't answer as he thought over the whole convoluted mess that was his former Jedi Master. "I... guess I am," he grudgingly admitted. "I don't  _want_  to be, though. This is better for both of us."

The droid cocked her head again. "Why do you say that?"

Anakin sighed, slumping in his chair. "Story of my life," he muttered, staring at the beige-colored walls and the single window in the room, not really seeing it or any of Coruscant outside. "He's happier without me – better off, even. Just like everyone else." He thought of Tru Veld, the patient, hopeful padawan who had turned into a cynic after he'd been friends with Anakin. He thought of Darra Thel-Thanis, dead because of his pride. He thought of his children, both raised by other people and both happier because of it. Had he raised them, they would have undoubtedly ended up as angry Sith acolytes if not apprentices themselves. He thought of the Jedi Order in general and the Temple in flames, all within dead or dying – most by his blade. That still haunted him as he strode through the now completely whole halls sometimes, especially when he saw someone he had killed walking by as if nothing was wrong. He thought of Padmé...

"I do not believe that is an accurate statement."

The former Sith blinked, brought out of his spiraling thoughts to look at the shiny droid in front of him. "What?"

"You say everyone in your life is better off without you. What of your mother?"

Well, she had been freed and lived happily with her husband after he'd left, but she'd also been kidnapped and tortured without him there. And she was always so happy to just  _see_  him.

He couldn't help a small, if watery, smile. "Very well, perhaps not everyone."

For the first time he wondered – really wondered – what his life would have been like if he'd stayed on Tatooine. Would he have even been able to free himself? Would he have become a moisture farmer? Would he have done something about the rampant slavery on the world? He wasn't sure about his first life,but in this life he most definitely would have. Then again, he was already fighting slavery... and weren't the people he'd helped Jango Fett free better off now too? He sincerely hoped so.

Alright, so maybe he was useful to a couple of people. That did manage to lift his spirits ever so slightly.

"And what about you? Are you truly better off without him in your life?"

Anakin stared at the droid for several seconds as he thought on that. The memories of him and Obi-wan fighting in the wars came to mind. It had been harsh and brutal, but Obi-wan... he'd always been there. Perhaps not always in the capacity that Anakin had wanted or needed, but the man had done the best he could. If only Anakin had been able to see it at the time.

"I... don't know," he said truthfully. "It would certainly be less complicated, but... he called me his brother, there at the end. We'd saved each other so many times... and as much as I would have hated to admit it under Palpatine, I don't... want to give that up."

Perhaps he'd taken this whole 'honesty' thing a little far recently... This was getting really difficult.

"I do not understand."

Anakin's brow furrowed in question. D-40 recognized the silent inquiry because she continued.

"Why do you have to give it up?"

"He's not my Master now."

"But he was, according to you."

"He doesn't know that," Anakin replied, shaking his head.

"So tell him. You obviously trust him." That brought Anakin up short. He... trusted Obi-wan? Even after everything? After the man had  _left him to die_  on Mustafar...? It took him a few minutes to realize that the droid was right. He did still trust Obi-wan.

Somehow it felt like that revelation socked him in the gut.

He trusted Obi-wan. No, the man hadn't been perfect (no matter what Anakin had thought when he was younger) but the older Jedi had always done his absolute best. He'd been a hard worker, always rising to challenges that would have broken other men. Always getting back up to try again when he came across challenges that did break him.

And maybe, if he'd realized that a month ago, he would have agreed. But now...

"I... I don't know if I can tell him," he said quietly. "If I tried, it could come between him and his current padawan. I couldn't do that to him – to them." Because Obi-wan was finally getting over his pain at losing Qui-gon. He was finally moving on – really moving on. He was finally  _happy,_  or at least getting to a point where he could find happiness.

"I would like you to think about it," the droid said, matter-of-fact voice breaking the moment and Anakin's concentration at once. He wanted to sigh.

"Very well."

"It is well past your evening meal time. You should leave."

Anakin chuckled and shook his head. As terse as always.

"Good night, D-40."

"Good night, Master Anakin."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I DO have plans for some action later on, I promise... but this really needed to be done. The idea of leaving Anakin to Palpatine without any preparation would go against just about everything I've built my psychologists up to be. So you all get another psychology chapter. I'd apologize, but... I'm really not sorry. lol
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Thanks again to Khalthar and Carradee for beta reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Anakin sat in his Luke Lars disguise at an outdoor cafe table with a drink sitting in front of him. He'd once again arranged to meet Jango Fett outside (his choice, not Anakin's) in a random area of Coruscant about two hours away from the Temple in a relatively quiet open air walkway lined with small businesses.

He felt Siri sitting at a table on the other side of the street, facing away from them and dressed in civilian clothes. She also had a drink sitting in front of her. Unlike Anakin, she was actually sipping hers. He could, in all technicality, drink his, but he honestly wasn't that thirsty. He had also gotten to a point, recently, where did he trust anything outside of the Temple he couldn't see prepared. Actually, he made a mental note to be a little more careful  _inside_  the Temple... just in case. After all, people had infiltrated before.

Perhaps he was becoming a little too paranoid?

"So, you showed."

Anakin glanced up from the holopad he was reading to see Jango Fett standing there looking very displeased. Politely and calmly, Anakin shut the holopad down and placed it on the table before looking through his mask up at the man again.

"You didn't think I would?"

"A man with any preservation instincts wouldn't have."

Anakin considered that. "Or I just believe that the potential benefits outweigh the risks."

"Then you're a fool."

They paused for a moment, and even though Jango couldn't see it, Anakin raised an eyebrow.

"A fool, you say? Why?"

Jango threw a holopad at Anakin, who caught it deftly and turned it on. Then his breath caught. On the screen was a picture of his mother. It took him several seconds to calm his raging emotions. Worry, protectiveness, fear, love, sadness...

Actually, he had to reach out with the Force and calm Siri down, let her know that he was alright and that she shouldn't blow her cover just yet. He did all of this without so much as moving a muscle. Not that the mask would have let anything show, but it was nice to know he'd regained some of his control.

"Who is this?" he finally asked, his voice as steady as he could make it.

"Don't lie to me. She was a slave on your initial list. Then you sent me that second list without her name on it and it made me do a double take. I'd already been watching her when I got that, and she definitely wasn't freed or dead. Then, low and behold, a couple of months later, I watched Jedi come and free her."

Anakin could see where this was going and mentally swore. Was this another 'will of the Force' thing because how else would the Jedi have gotten there when Jango was watching her? What were the odds? He wanted to shake his fist at the Force. Just what did it gain by more or less tattling on Anakin to Jango of all people?

Someone somewhere was laughing at him.

"You said you had contacts with the Jedi," Jango continued, accusing. "The way you speak, the way you move... the way you feel. You're a Jedi."

This time, both of Anakin's eyebrows rose. The way he  _felt_? Was Jango mildly Force Sensitive? It would... actually make a lot of sense. He checked as subtly as he could but only felt a normal person. Hmm. Perhaps he had some training and could shield? Or perhaps he was normal and was just particularly in tune with his sixth sense and what little Force Presence he had?

"Actually, I haven't decided yet," Anakin responded, once again keeping his voice as even as he could.

That seemed to confuse Jango. "What?"

"Technically I am only a Jedi in training and I haven't decided whether I will continue with the Jedi or not."

"You know the ways of the Jedi, that's enough for me."

Anakin's gaze narrowed and he projected his feelings through the Force. "I also know the ways of the Sith. The Jedi don't have a monopoly on the Force or Force Sensitives."

Jango's brow furrowed. "The Sith are extinct."

At that, Anakin couldn't help it. He actually laughed, quietly but no-less amused for it.

"You're naivety amuses me." When Jango's eyes only narrowed, Anakin decided to elaborate. "You are currently working for them. They are, in all actuality, behind the... order for which you are the template."

Anakin could see Jango's jaw set and figured he really needed to back off instead of encouraging Jango's anger. Stupid Sith instincts. It was the first time he'd been in a severely hostile situation like this for a while and even before Vader, he hadn't exactly been prone to being calm. Provoking other people had more or less become his norm in most hostile situations, and he really needed to stop.

He still didn't think he could hide his amusement when he spoke.

Jango must have caught on, because he didn't deny Anakin's words. Had he suspected, perhaps? Instead, his eyebrows drew together ever so slightly. "You really believe that. So why haven't you told the Jedi?"

For a moment, the two just stared at each other before Anakin shook his masked head. "The Jedi would not believe me and I have only my word to go on."

More silence. Then Jango's frown deepened. "I don't work with Jedi. Or those that study under them."

"And yet, here you are, speaking to me instead of handing me over to Sidious."

The bounty hunter's fists clenched and he straightened, puffing up to appear more threatening. He wasn't wearing his Mandalorian helmet, which would have helped the image, but even if he had been, it wouldn't have worked on Anakin. He knew too much about the Fetts. If anything, his posturing was entertaining. He wondered why he found more or less everything about this man amusing tonight.

"You have been honorable," Jango said with forced calmness. "By Mandalorian law, you are to be given the chance to defend yourself."

Anakin smiled and sat forward. "Indeed. I am not a Jedi and you admit I have stuck to our agreements and been honorable. Technically, I haven't lied to you. I am truly not a Jedi. If you wish to terminate our partnership, then that is your choice, but I cannot allow myself to be turned over to your employer."

Jango's lips parted to show grit teeth. "How can you study under  _them_? They are the epitome of hypocrites!"

The former Sith leaned back in his chair to buy himself a few moments and wonder how Obi-wan would handle this. "I know the Jedi are not perfect. If anyone knows that, it's me. They do, however, know a great deal about the Force."

"They  _killed_  people! They are controlled and led around by the nose and do nothing to stop it! They listen to lies and let people  _die_! It goes against everything they preach! They deserve no leeway."

Briefly, Anakin wondered if Jango was simply venting to someone who actually knew most of his story, or if he was trying to convert Anakin to his way of thinking.

Yes, still amusing.

"The Jedi are sentients," the masked man responded with a shrug of his shoulders. "They can only act on what they know. They had the wrong information." He had a feeling the bounty hunter was talking about his biggest run-in with Jedi now.

"They could have verified," Jango insisted.

"They thought they had," Anakin responded.

"That's no excuse."

Something about that line bothered Anakin. Excuse? It almost sounded as if Jango had expected more of them somehow... like he'd been outright and personally  _betrayed_  by the Jedi.

And then his eyes widened. "You... fell into the same trap I did," he realized aloud.

Jango's frown deepened. "What?"

Anakin shook his head, chuckling mirthlessly. He wasn't amused any longer. "You put the Jedi on a pedestal, as if they were super-beings or gods. Then a couple of them came in and ruined your life by being normal, fallible sentients." Oh, the irony.

The bounty hunter stayed quiet as he studied Anakin, his face blank.

So the former Sith decided to alleviate his obvious confusion and wariness.

"I used to be a slave. The Jedi freed me, supposedly. But their rules were so strict I felt I'd traded one form of slavery for another." He snorted softly, shaking his head. "My mother was killed, the woman I loved as well, my children estranged... all because one Jedi persuaded me to come with them. Let's just say, they didn't live up to my expectations."

Again, Jango's eyes narrowed. "Then why do you continue to study with them?"

Anakin scoffed. The sound somehow made it through his vocoder. "I didn't have the experience or presence of mind at the time to realize the significance of differences between slavery and the Jedi way that I did notice, nor did I realize that the prison I perceived was of my own making."

What a fool he'd been.

"I blamed them for everything, but I came to realize that I did so to alleviate my own guilt. The Jedi need reform, yes. They are not the perfect Order that society would have us believe and something needs to change. But everything that happened to me was because of my own choices and thus they are my own responsibility. I, too, was angry at myself for building them up and then discovering they were merely average sentients, albeit sentients with super powers, but still..."

"The difference between you and me is that nothing was my fault," Jango practically spat.

Anakin just looked at him for several moments before cocking his head. "And yet you blame yourself, even more so than you do the Jedi."

More silence, which was confirmation enough. So he'd been right. Perhaps that is why he'd liked the Fetts so much – they reminded him of himself, except more honorable.

"I don't work with Jedi," Jango finally reiterated.

And truthfully, Anakin could respect that. "Then I will inform you of my decision. Until then, if you wish to put this on hold, I will look for someone else to help me."

"Why do you defend them?" he asked, and Anakin could hear both the genuine curiosity and the note of desperation in the man's words.

So he answered truthfully. "While I, myself, have a good deal of power, it isn't enough. I want to see the most number of sentients given the ability and opportunity to choose their own fate. I always have. If I have to team up with Jedi to do so, then so be it.

"I also defend them because there are still good people in that order. I want them to change so that instances like yours never happen again. They have the ability and the drive to change the universe. As misguided as they are, they are affecting things the only way they know how. I want to show them another way..."

He didn't realize just how true that statement was until he'd said it aloud.

"You have your work cut out for you then," Jango replied, although he didn't sound nearly so defensive now. That was an improvement at least.

"I do."

More silence as they stared at each other.

Finally, Jango put a hand to the bridge of his nose.

"I need to think on this."

Anakin nodded his head graciously.

Jango gave him one last, searching look before turning and stalking off.

Several minutes later, Siri approached and took Jango's seat. "I'm guessing it went well?"

Anakin shrugged. "As well as can be expected."

The blond's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, he did not attempt to kill, maim or stun me, nor did he attempt to turn me over to Sidious."

Her expression could have sucked water from the air. "The fact that you describe that as your best case scenario with him doesn't exactly instill the most confidence in me."

Anakin just smiled and shrugged again.

xXx

Master Yoda didn't sigh, but it was a close thing.

"We know the boy has had dark training, and we know the Sith have risen again!" Master Mundi insisted. Next to him, Master Tiin nodded in agreement.

"Do we?" Oppo Rancisis asked. "We merely have the body of an obvious dark-sider, but very little proof that he was, indeed, a Sith."

Yoda closed his eyes. The evidence was right there, but he'd always found it interesting, in a very sad way, as to what people could convince themselves of. Even wise, caring people like Master Rancisis.

"We cannot take that chance!" Master Mundi returned, adamant. "It has been nearly two years, and we have yet to really question the boy!"

"We agreed that his mental well-being was more important than an interrogation," Master Rancisis responded.

"Indeed it is," Saesee Tiin said, his voice quiet but steely. "But isn't two years of rather successful mind-healing sufficient healing time?"

"Surely he can withstand a couple of questions about his dark master," Master Mundi agreed.

"If he is the chosen one," Plo Koon spoke up, his voice muffled by the mask on his face, "then wouldn't it be more advantageous for us to have him on the side of light instead of potentially alienating him?"

"How is asking him questions alienating him?" Eeth Koth asked, speaking up for the first time since the topic had come up.

Mace, apparently, had had enough. "Very well. I will consult with his mind-healers and see if they think he is recovered enough to speak of his past. He is going on the next gathering tomorrow. After that, if Master Xio and Healer Girth agree, we can call him before the Council and finally question him about his dark training."

Neither side looked extremely happy, but everyone could live with this concession, apparently, because the matter dropped and they moved onto the next topic.

Yoda made a mental note to visit Anakin and discuss the potential upcoming confrontation with him and his mind-healers (and very likely, Siri Tachi). They would have to proceed with caution, but it looked like it might be time for Anakin Skywalker to reveal more about his past.

He could only hope the Council wouldn't regret this.

xXx

Anakin sat on one of the window sills of the transport ship taking the next batch of younglings to Ilum, his attention drifting between the stars outside and the rambunctious children as they play-sparred with each other. It felt strange, being physically older than anyone else here next to the senior padawan who had accompanied them. He was used to being mentally older than his peers, but he physically loomed over these children by several centimeters, and he'd been surrounded by them for  _hours_  now.

Still, he was grateful to be here at all. In the previous timeline, he'd been almost thirteen before Obi-wan had taken him to get his first lightsaber crystal. He'd honestly been expecting to not get a lightsaber this time until he was taken by a master. Then, for some reason (and Anakin suspected the old troll), the Council had decided that all the children of the Young Jedi Ambassador program need to have a lightsaber. Funny how this had come right when Palpatine had signed up for said program.

Anakin glanced down at the comm in his hand and reread the request he'd received again. As soon as he returned, Master Yoda had requested a meeting with him. He would also come in at the end of his next meeting with his mind-healers. The former Sith frowned. Why so suddenly? Was this about Palpatine? Most likely, he concluded, then sighed, shoving the comm into his pocket before turning to look out of the window at the stars again.

He could get lost in that view. The nothingness of Space that he always found so comforting and welcoming.

"We will be landing now," a voice from behind him drew him away from his thoughts, and he turned around to face the senior padawan escort. He was a zabarak named Rahth Mo, resembling Eeth Koth, and while the children he'd been escorting seemed to overwhelm him, he also looked at them with such a warm expression that Anakin couldn't help but like him.

He'd been welcoming and open with Anakin as well, despite his age in comparison to the rest of the children here. All in all, it had been a rather pleasant trip.

So, why did he have a bad feeling about this? Or, more accurately, an anticipatory feeling. Something would happen on the planet. Something personal but significant. He glanced longingly out at the stars again before sighing and standing to follow the line of Jedi children to the front where they would watch the descent to Illum. Apparently it was some kind of tradition.

As much as Anakin liked being in the cockpit, cramming inside an older one with several children while watching someone else pilot was not his idea of a good time. He grit his teeth and counted silently in his mind, doing his best to banish the negative thoughts to the Force while they approached the planet.

He was only marginally successful.

xXx

Anakin had been to Ilum multiple times before. This visit wasn't really very different.

He followed Padawan Mo out of the ship, bracing himself for the cool temperature that Ilum usually sported. The other children weren't so prepared and more than one of them cried out in surprise at the temperature, but none of them faltered.

They made it to the cave easily enough and were instructed to head into the tunnels, trust in the Force, and be back before sunset. The children all rushed in excitedly. Anakin followed at a far more sedate pace. Soon enough, he found himself wandering alone down the dark, natural corridors, following the nudges of the Force.

He felt the vision coming before it actually happened and braced himself as best he could. Not every person, looking for a kyber crystal would get a vision, but it wasn't exactly unheard of either. Anakin had always had a vision each and every time he'd searched for one, so he wasn't surprised when he felt that familiar twinge in the Force. Nor was he particularly surprised when the cave suddenly became walls. Very nice-looking, expensive walls and rich, if worn, carpet beneath his feet. He knew where he was.

"The Senate?" he asked quietly with a frown. That  _did_ surprise him. It wasn't a hall he'd actually been in before, he just recognized the motif. His surroundings reminded him of the chambers behind each of the Senate pods. This was different, though. He sat on a chair in the center of a circular platform and only one door led into the room.

Frowning harder, he went to stand, but as he did, the platform rose. He blinked in surprise and looked up. Above him, a circular door opened and he could see the Senate chamber beyond it. Oh. He knew where he was now and glanced over his shoulder as he drew even with the floor above, a little apprehensive. Palpatine should be behind the podium on his left. To his surprise, the entire box where the Chancellor should be stood empty. Anakin frowned and turned back to the enormous chamber.

He could hear people speaking in a low hum and knew each pod held a delegation, but he couldn't make out any details.

Of course not. That wasn't the point of the vision.

Repressing his uneasy feeling, he glanced down at his hands for just a moment and realized that, yes, they were young still. About his current age or perhaps a little older. Then he lifted his head and sat as straight as he could. He calmly reached a hand to his side but found that he didn't have his lightsaber with him, which didn't help him feel any better.

That was when he sensed it. The dark pulse hit him and ran through the room, sending shivers up his spine. Instantly he stood and faced the door across from him – the door they brought people to be tried through. The duroplast opened slowly, ominously and Anakin's mouth went dry. His eyes remained fixed on the figures behind the door as the senate guard, dressed in blue ceremonial armor, walked in solemnly.

Suddenly, the gigantic room seemed entirely too small. The fact that it fell into silence didn't help.

There, in the center of the guard, stood Chancellor Palpatine in his Senate robes, looking as tired and confused as ever. Then he glanced at Anakin, meeting his gaze before the latter could look away. The smile that grew over the older man's face was pure Sidious. Before Anakin's eyes, the figure of the kind, grandfatherly man melted away to reveal the cunning, cruel Sith underneath. He took a step forward, into the pod that somehow became a bridge across the chamber to where the time-traveler stood.

Unable to rein in his terror, Anakin went to step back, but found he couldn't. Trying not to panic, he looked down and saw, to his horror, black boots that were far too large for him instead of his soft, initiate shoes. They were bulky and clunky and somehow he  _knew_  they held mechanical feet. He choked back a scream. He couldn't show weakness here. He'd already shown too much.

"Ah, Lord Vader," Palpatine said, voice as smooth as silk drawing Anakin's attention. The Sith took another step, the Senate guard striding forward with him. Could  _no one_  see this transformation? Why could he still hear talking? Why weren't the guards  _doing_  something. "Here to testify against me? You should have known better. I taught you better."

Anakin's chest felt tight and he looked around desperately for something he could use to get himself out of this, but he could see nothing.

"No," he heard himself whisper harshly, bending down to try and physically move his feet. Naturally, it didn't help.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw black forms rising, floating in the air and spinning as if they were debris caught in the vacuum of space. Then Palpatine took another step. A couple of the black shapes shot towards Anakin, latching onto his legs and thighs, covering them in dark leather.

He could no longer feel his legs.

"You poor, simple-minded fool," Palpatine spoke, fake pity in his voice.

_Thud! Thud! Thud!_

He took another step and more black shapes pounded into Anakin. The more black that covered him, the less he could move, as if nothing covered in black was under his control. His panic rose and it took all his will to hold back the scream as his former master continued. "You thought you could defeat me? With just a little future knowledge?"

Anakin tried to ignore him and instead took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself. He'd have to use the Force to...

Except it wouldn't come! It wouldn't' answer him!

"You know very well you cannot hurt me. Not truly. Before was a fluke, a reaction you couldn't possibly replicate. You will not win again."

"Silence," Anakin shot back, still trying to calm the fear and the anger rising in his chest again. "You are not all powerful."

Palpatine cackled. His robe had darkened into a black shade. The guards' armor had gained a purple hue that grew stronger with each step.

"I do not  _need_  to be all powerful! I only need to outsmart  _you_. You and your pathetic Jedi friends." He continued to chuckle. "Which will be all too easy."

"No," Anakin returned, still struggling to free himself from the armor that now surrounded his stomach and hating the panic that he couldn't quite quell. "You won't win again. I won't let you!"

Palpatine took another step and Anakin's left hand became encased in black. His heart skipped several beats. With his right arm, he reached for his lightsaber again and was surprised when a familiar cylinder met his hand. Then his breath froze in his chest when he looked at it. It was Vader's blade. The blade of a Sith.

He could only stare at it in horror and didn't notice Palpatine stepping forward again. The black clamped to his left side. His already pathetic control over his emotions and the Force slipped further.

Desperately, he activated the blade and pointed it at Palpatine. "You will not have me again! You will never own me!"

The other man stepped forward again. Black snapped over Anakin's right hand and he no longer had control over it. He still held the blade, but it fell down to his side no matter how he struggled to raise it.

"It is inevitable." Palpatine's face had gained wrinkles and deformity, draining of color. He now looked like the Emperor in all his terrifying glory. The Senate Guard had been replaced by the Imperial Guard, standing as an escort, all clothed in red. The Senate chamber itself remained, and yet the future ruler of the galaxy continued to move forward and  _no one seemed to care!_

An all too familiar chest plate hurtled at him and Anakin's control snapped.

"NO!" he yelled, reaching out to the Force and not caring which side he called on. To his relief, the Force answered, dark and wild. He drew on the power and pushed with all his might against everything around him. It did no good. The black plate locked into place.

Anakin didn't know what to think or do. He could only watch, paralyzed, as the Emperor continued to stalk towards him.

"You were always meant to be a slave," he practically cackled.

Anakin shook his head, ignoring the tears he could feel pouring down his cheeks. "No! It's not true!" He meant for it to come out strong and sure, but he could only hear a whisper.

"You know it is."

"No..." he whispered desperately.

"At the first sign of trouble, you break. Every time," Palpatine went on, coming to the edge of the platform now, stepping past the red guard. Anakin tried to, but he couldn't deny the truth of the words. Even now the dark side whirled around him and he dared not release it. Just as it had been with Padmé, and at the memory and realization of Leia's identity and before the session he'd planned on confessing to the droid... just how many times had he lost his will, his control?

Was it all inevitable?

Had he fallen too far?

Could he not find redemption?

Somehow he couldn't help but fear that the answer was a resounding 'no'. The world around him began to fade to the blackness of the dark side and he could do nothing about it. Nothing he tried worked. It never would. Why had he dared to believe? Why...

Palpatine stood practically in front of him now, staring into Anakin's eyes. He wanted to break that gaze but a morbid sense of desperation wouldn't let him.

"Now, Lord Vader, you will return to me. Take your place at my side, as you always will."

A great despair rose inside him, swallowing everything else.

He knew how quickly despair could be turned into anger.

He felt himself break just a little more and a sob squeezed itself from his throat. The suit was back, as painful and constricting as ever. No, more so. He only needed the helmet to complete it. It had gotten so hard to breathe...

Sidious, no longer shackled, raised one hand. Anakin wanted to back away, but a deep exhaustion settled over him in wake of the despair. He didn't have the energy to so much as flinch, let alone the motivation to struggle.

Should he just accept the inevitable? It would be easier. Fighting it just exhausted him.

And yet...

"Luke," he whispered, remembering his son. His wonderful, loving, unbreakable son, and he drew on that strength. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"Someone... Help me." He closed his eyes. "Anyone. Help me! Please!" He couldn't make his voice loud enough for anyone but the Emperor to hear, and yet he reached out, desperate. "Please..."

"Pathetic," the Emperor cackled, leaning forward, with a mask held in both hands. "But you will be of use to me."

The helmet descended, along with the blackness and he felt himself slumping, giving in —

And then, a green lightsaber ignited between him and Palpatine, who stepped back with an angry hiss as the helmet flew from his hand. For a moment all Anakin could do was blink. He couldn't let himself hope. Almost not daring to breathe, he turned and saw his son standing there, glaring at the Emperor.

The Force stilled as Anakin just stared in shock.

"L...Luke?"

The boy shot him a bright smile. "Your best may not be good enough, Father. But you have help. You will always have help if you ask for it."

"Out of my way," Sidious hissed, shooting lightning at Luke, but it was stopped by a blue blade. Anakin turned his head, the only thing he could move at the moment, and saw Obi-wan. His Obi-wan. The old man from the desert whom he had killed, standing there, gaze fixed on Palpatine.

"W-why?" Anakin whispered, his voice cracking.

He got a warm smile from Luke and a sad smile from Obi-wan.

"Fools, you cannot stop this!" Sidious bellowed.

"I hope I'm not too late," Ahsoka – teenaged Ahsoka – jumped down from somewhere, landing between Anakin and Sidious, both lightsabers held in an opening stance.

"We will not allow you to undo all of the good we've helped Anakin with," Master Xio said, somehow stepping out of the shadows with Healer Girth in her wake, the little drall standing firm beside her as his nose twitched irritably.

"You cannot stand in my way! I will destroy you all!" Sidious screamed.

"Hmm. Wrong, you are."

"Master Yoda?" Anakin asked, hating how his tone shook.

And then more people came out, placing themselves between him and Palpatine. Plo Koon, Master Gallia, Master Mundi even.

"Ani," a soft voice at his side sent a shock through him, and he glanced over to see Padmé, his Padmé, standing there, as beautiful as ever as she reached down and took the lightsaber from his hand and turned it off.

"Oh, my boy," another voice and a hand on his cheek.

"M... mom?" he asked. His mom. The older one.

"We will help you, Anakin," Young Obi-wan said, sanding to the side of his older counterpart but facing Anakin instead of Palpatine. "We will always help you if you ask."

"Yeah, Ani!" Hik'te burst forward, throwing his arms around Anakin's now much larger form. He was followed closely by Coira and then, more subdued, Hale and Maelee and Thoran and Tru and Darra and even Ferus Olin, even if he didn't look like he wanted to be there and... Oh, Force. Were those the children? Those children he could never forget... and yet, they filtered into his view, their gazes never holding any anger or judgment.

"It looks like you aren't alone, and there are a great many people happy to support you," Qui-gon Jinn said, with a smile, walking up behind the children and gazing around at the crowd that had gathered thoughtfully. Then he nodded over to Palpatine. Anakin followed the older Jedi's gaze and found the wrinkled Sith's screams could no longer reach him. The man yelled and cursed and spit and threw lightning and tried to break through an invisible wall to no avail. To his great relief, Anakin couldn't hear a thing the man said.

"Now," a final voice said as Siri stepped into his view. "Let's get that armor off of you."

For the first time in a very long time, Anakin allowed himself to cry.

xXx

When he came to his senses, he knelt on the ground in front of Senior Padawan Mo. The zabarak watched Anakin warily, seeming unsure and very protective – as if seeing Anakin as a threat. Smart Jedi. The younger children all gathered behind him, peeking out at him with a mixture of worry and fear. He felt wetness on his cheeks and wondered if he happened to look as disheveled as he felt.

Padawan Mo cleared his throat. "Well, Initiate Skywalker, you seem to have made it back just in time."

Shocked, Anakin glanced back at the cave opening just as it finished freezing over. Oh. It hadn't seemed like that long... and yet it had seemed like far longer. In his vision it had taken a combined force to get that armor off of him and had taken all too long. Some parts, he feared, would never be truly gone, but they all kept working at it until the vision had faded back to reality.

"Also, we felt a dark presence earlier..." the padawan said slowly, bringing the initiate back to the situation at hand.

Anakin's mouth went dry. "Sorry," he muttered, "I had a...vision."

"Yes, I can see that."

Anakin didn't offer any more explanation, too exhausted to deal with the suspicion right now. Instead he just looked down at his hands where he felt something. Then his eyes widened. There, in his palms, he held three kyber crystals.

They were all purple.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: You guys are lucky you're getting this now. I've actually been working on it for a couple of months. Still not entirely happy with the chapter, but I feel it gets the points across that I needed it to.
> 
> Thank you to Carradee and Khalthar for beta reading!
> 
> Oh, and final Clone Wars Movie ftw! I cannot wait! *super excited*


	4. Chapter 4

Anakin sat on the Gathering Ship, away from the other younglings (who, sadly, seemed to be rather wary of him now) contemplating his crystals. He'd never come out of Ilum with more than two before, and he'd never gotten multiple crystals at once. In all honesty, he had no idea why he'd come out of the caves with them.

And then he had to consider their color. There weren't many Jedi who wielded purple lightsabers, and those who did... Well, it would be a blatant sign to anyone and everyone who saw it that Anakin had dark side training, to a point where it could affect his light side training. Although, in all honesty, he should be glad they weren't any shade of red. The bright red crystals that Sith favored were more often than not synthetic as that particular shade didn't occur in nature but was the default for artificial kyber crystals. However, other shades of red  _did_  occur in nature. Darker maroons and rubys or reds more on the orange side... Those were rarely picked these days, though. Jedi tended to lean towards the green or blue crystals in the current Order. As much as the purple sabers spoke of his leanings, they also signified a balance.

At this point, and especially after that vision, he was more than thankful that he had any kind of balance in his life.

As much as he appreciated that, it didn't mean he knew what to do with them.

Reaching over, he picked up the largest crystal. It was also the brightest of the lot and the warmest – the closest to red. It also seemed to be the one that resonated with him the most. His mouth thinned to a grim line. Then he reached out with the Force and lifted the other two into the air, bringing them forward to float in front of his gaze. The smallest was the darkest, a deep amethyst so dark it was almost opaque. The last was a royal purple that, while lovely, didn't seem to want to attract attention to itself, and seemed to be the calmest – the most stable – of the bunch.

After a moment, Anakin let the crystal in his hand join the other two and closed his eyes. What was he supposed to do with these? Was he supposed to make three? Maybe learn Jar'kai and wield two blades? Then have a third for backup?

No, that didn't feel right.

A staff then?

Ugh, that utterly repulsed him. Maul had used a staff and some Jedi Sentinels used pikes similar to staffs... and neither one appealed to Anakin.

Thankfully, he got a rather firm 'no' for that idea as well.

One lightsaber then?

Yes, that felt right.

With three crystals...

Wait...

An idea began to form in his head.

He opened his eyes, blinked for a moment, and then felt the corners of his mouth lift into a smirk as he set the crystals down and went to peruse the lightsaber parts for those that he would need.

xXx

There was a distinct difference between the Jedi holocrons Tai'k Xio had studied and the Sith holocrons she was now studying. Well, there were several differences, but the largest of them was, surprisingly, not the general feel of them. The difference she found the most disconcerting and thus the most noticeable was the near  _sentience_  she'd found in the Sith holocrons. To be fair, she had to concede there were all types of Jedi holocrons, and some of them had a comparable presence to the Sith holocrons, but without the sheer  _intensity_...

Perhaps it was a dark side thing? She didn't know and was wary about trying to find out. She was here to study one thing and one thing only, and getting off track had been where a lot of fallen Jedi had started.

Inwardly, she frowned. No wonder Anakin had warned her against these. Why would anyone willingly study them for fun? Because if she felt she had a choice, she would gladly take leave of this project here and now. If it weren't for the fact that it had already begun to help her understand her patient, and potentially not just Anakin. Her studies could help her understand dark siders to a far better extent and could also help her understand more about what the Force (both light and dark) really  _did_  to people.

Well, if she could get some answers, that is.

" _Is that really_ all _you want?"_ the transparent, red form of an iktotchi female bent down and whispered in her ear. It took all of Tai'k's will to not flinch away. That would only show weakness and it would make getting answers out of this holocron all that more difficult.

Then again, getting answers out of any dark holocron was difficult, especially once they realized she honestly didn't want power or prestige or – as this one kept hinting at – purpose. At least, not  _their_  purpose.

"Yes," she asked simply. "I am looking at a study of the dark side's affect on the mind of sentients, so I need to know how you thought before you turned and after."

She expected the woman, Darth Cognus, to grow cold, turn away and shun her before retreating into the holocron and refusing to come out again. This Sith wouldn't be the first, and Tai'k had actually approached this particular holocron a couple of times before with similar results. At least the projection of the ancient Sith had actually chosen to speak to her this time. Had even allowed her to ask her question before retreating.

Honestly, it felt like today had been a particularly dull day in the Sith's eyes and so Cognus had finally deigned to grace her with her presence out of sheer boredom. That level of quality for a holocron still blew her mind.

_No,_  she told herself,  _focus._

" _Why do you want to know_?" the dark voice echoed through the study room she'd ensconced herself in.

Tai'k thought about the question for a moment, doing her best to hide her surprise and tapping her lip with her chin. All she could really see of the other woman's face was the lower half of it, and the four tattoos jutting down from her lip sharply. It definitely didn't give off a friendly feeling.

"Several reasons," she replied, nonchalantly. "But I'm mostly just honestly curious about the effects. I believe it actually physically alters the brain, and I want to know  _why_. Especially when the Force itself doesn't have a similar affect." True it could calm people down, but Jedi could be just as volatile as Sith when angry or flustered or even just determined. All without even touching the dark side. So why did the darkness seem to physically twist thoughts when the light side didn't (or at least not to that extreme). And how were the medichlorians involved in all of this? Did the dark side affect them too?

That was her working theory at the moment; that the dark side influences the medichlorians themselves, imbuing a negativity difficult to fight as it worked on a person on their most basal level. She didn't know the exact mechanics, and it was still just a theory for now, but—

" _How boring."_

Tai'k smiled. She had an argument to this one. "Well, knowledge is power."

That caused the Sith to perk up. " _So you_ do _seek power._ "

Well, if they put it that way. "Hmm, perhaps so."

Hook.

The iktotchi's grin widened.

Line.

" _Perhaps I can help you after all..."_

Sinker.

Xio hated manipulating anything or anyone like this, but it seemed to be the only language Sith understood. She'd put that observation down too. Now all she needed to do was project an image of what the Sith expected, and voila.

She made a mental note to talk with her fellow mind-healers and probably Mace later on today. He'd have an accurate read on her state of mind. She didn't think it was getting to her, but more than one Jedi had fallen into that trap before, and she  _couldn't_ allow herself to even come close. Not only would she be letting her patients down, but the kind of damage a former mind-healer could do if corrupted...

It made her want to shudder.

But she didn't. She had a facade to hold up right now.

" _We should start with some Sith precepts."_

Tai'k frowned. "You aren't the first holocron I've studied."

" _Oh? Then tell me what you know."_

The silver-haired woman cocked her head to one side. "This is an information exchange. I'll give you what you want to know, but you have to give me the same consideration. Otherwise I put your holocron back and move on."

The figure smiled. It wasn't friendly.  _"Oh, you show promise. Very well, what would you like to know?"_

Tai'k didn't allow herself a triumphant grin. She simply tapped her data pad. "From what you remember, what were you like before you turned?"

xXx

_Later that day_

Master Xio smiled at Anakin as he sat in the chair across from hers. He returned the smile.

"How are you today, Anakin?"

"As well as can be expected."

She frowned. "Anakin..."

It was funny. Her therapy seemed to have morphed since he'd initially started coming to her. She seemed far more easy-going now than she had initially, and while she was still scarily accurate in her guesses, in most other areas she had changed, somehow – become more welcoming and open while simultaneously seeming just as strict. Also, she seemed to have adopted Girth's opinion on feelings and emotions, or something similar at least. Anakin had to admit, he liked the change.

Usually.

"I am extremely nervous," he said through gritted teeth. He'd already  _been_  through this with Girth...  _multiple times_  if he counted more than the current situation.  _Why was it_ still  _so hard?!_  "And... scared." Saying that last one almost physically hurt.

She smiled at him again, a true, warm smile that did a lot to put him more at ease. "Understandable. I might be a little worried if you weren't."

Well that was new. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Aren't most Jedi expected to not feel fear?"

For several seconds she didn't answer, although her lips thinned. She didn't look upset at him though. How interesting.

"We are human, Anakin. Not feeling fear would be tantamount to not feeling anything at all, ever. And while Jedi strive for a mastery of themselves, and then hopefully their fear, that doesn't mean they don't feel fear at all."

Anakin wasn't sure what to say to that. He'd heard the ideal before, but he still wasn't sure he could believe that. Not after how he'd grown up the first time. It just didn't... compute.

"Would you like to talk about it?" The mind healer asked suddenly, probably sensing that Anakin wasn't ready to delve into the deeper realms of his experiences as a former Jedi just yet. "Palpatine and the ensuing situation, I mean."

Although such a blatant dodge was still very unlike her. Unless there was a meaning behind it. Perhaps  _she_  wasn't ready to discuss Jedi and how they 'should' and 'shouldn't' feel? He wasn't quite sure what to think about that, so he humored her with a heavy sigh.

"It seems to be all anyone in the know wants me to do: Talk about it. Master Yaddle when we met up after my Force Techniques class," which he had been markedly improving in lately, he was glad he'd decided to tell her of the future and his return from it too. "Master Yoda when I met with him after I came back from the Gathering, even Coira and Maelee when they heard. They practically pounced on me the moment I got to class after returning from the Gathering." Which was a rather terrifying thought. Those two were a force to be reckoned with when they somehow got on the same wavelength. Thankfully, that wasn't often.

"What did Master Yoda and Master Yaddle say?" Master Xio asked curiously.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Other than informing me that I'd very likely be going before the Council some time in the next few days to tell them more about my 'dark' master?" he was sure she knew about that and that Yoda (and Girth) would be coming in to speak with them at the end of this session so they could address that issue. The way her eyebrow raised ever so slightly let him know he was right, so he answered her question. "They wanted to make sure I wanted to go through with it. Master Yaddle even offered to take me on as a padawan if I wanted to get out of it."

Master Xio raised her eyebrows even higher. "She did? And you didn't accept?"

This time Anakin's smile felt sad and far too old for his youthful face. "It was only to get me out of the program. She wouldn't take me on otherwise. I know she would do her best once committed, but I don't know if that kind of relationship is one I could willingly pledge myself to again. Besides, I volunteered to go through with this. Part of me wants to – wants to prove that I can face him."

"I can see why that would appeal to you, Anakin. But are you  _ready_  for it?"

He sighed again. "I don't think I ever will be," he replied, echoing his words to Girth.

"We're just worried that you're rushing into this."

At first Anakin bristled a bit, but then he took a deep breath and thought about it. In all honesty, they were completely justified in thinking that, weren't they? He did tend to rush into things without thinking them through, even now. True, he'd tempered the habit a lot, but their thought process was still understandable.

"I... can't say that I'm not," he replied quietly. "But I can say that I am still far more qualified to go in there as opposed to any of the child ambassadors. It is also an opportunity that I would... regret not taking. That I can promise you."

The older woman returned his sigh, but nodded. "Very well, Anakin. I'll reiterate that none of us like this, but it is your choice."

He smiled at her, small but real. "And that means more to me than you know."

They shared a grin for a moment before she tapped on the data pad in front of her.

"Well, I know you don't really want to discuss Palpatine at the moment, but I would very much like to go over your rather complicated relationship with him and we can perhaps pinpoint some things that you can keep in mind during your interactions with him. We can make a basic plan to help strengthen your defense against his manipulations. Would that be okay?"

He wanted to sigh, because he really was sick of all of this... but he could also see her point of view. Besides, anything to bolster his defenses against the Sith Master would be a good thing in his book.

"Very well," he said.

Her smile turned encouraging. "Excellent, Anakin. Now, tell me everything you remember about your relationship with him. Anything you feel you can share. If there is something you can't speak of right now, just let me know and we'll move on, but the more thorough you are, the better."

His lips thinned, but he nodded.

And then started at the beginning, starting with how he met the man and how the 'kindly old senator' had filled the void of his support after Qui-gon died and he'd left his mother. He spoke of how close he and the Chancellor grew, how the former slave came to view the other as a wise man whom he could count on for anything. He spoke of how he could see now how the man's words had poisoned him and his relationship with Obi-wan, with the other Jedi, even with Padmé.

Master Xio asked for clarification here and there and wished to know what kind of wording Palpatine had used, what kinds of ideals he pushed and how they were at odds with his actions. Anakin answered her questions as best he could while trying not give into his anger and bitterness.

Then he told her how things had changed as a Sith. How he'd viewed the man as his master yet again, and yet had still seen him as a friend initially. That had changed rather quickly, though, even if Sidious had still referred to Anakin as 'old friend' for the entirety of his time as a Sith. He'd grown to hate Sidious and everything the man stood for, and yet he'd continued to fight for his master because he still believed in the cause Sidious outwardly pushed, although in reality, he'd long-since abandoned such ideology by that point.

"I was such an idiot," Anakin finally finished, his face in his hands.

"Oh, Anakin," Master Xio said softly. "He built an image for you to see from such a young age, it's not surprising you had difficulties breaking away from it. And you couldn't have prevented it because it's unrealistic at best to expect your nine-year-old self to have seen him for what he was, not with the kind of background you had. You can't blame yourself for something you had no knowledge of."

He snorted but said nothing more. It was his blindness that had caused so much pain. His inability to see the truth that had destroyed so many lives. Master Xio wasn't wrong in the fact that he as a nine-year-old couldn't have possibly seen that... but that didn't stop it from being his fault. His and Palpatine's.

There were so many reasons to hate that man.

There were so many reasons to hate himself.

He decided to skip over voicing the fact of his own guilt because she'd disagree with him and he just didn't want to get into that right now. He jumped, instead, to something he knew she'd agree with him on.

"I can see how he stopped me from ever really being free, now," he whispered. "I thought we were so close, but I know slaves who will protect their masters with their lives. I... I think that's what he was going for; a powerful slave who would do anything to protect him... at least initially. He never wanted me to take over the Sith from him." He just couldn't see Palpatine ever allowing anyone to take over.

"Whatever his goals, I'm glad you can see the consequences to his actions, Anakin."

"I wish he'd never been in my life," he said, hating how raw and exposed and  _tired_ he felt right now.

Master Xio sighed. "I know you wish you didn't have a past with him, but the truth is you and he had a relationship for far too long for you to just realistically dismiss it. I would be surprised, and a little worried, if you could."

"I killed him, you know," Anakin said, trying to point out that yes, he  _could_  just dismiss it, thank you very much. He just had to steel himself and be  _strong_  for once. "In the future."

The Jedi Master's brow furrowed a bit. "And how do you feel about that?"

He should have known better than to say something like that. He blamed his child-like mind again. He was beginning to go through puberty now, after all. And his impulsiveness could easily be attributed to that and the Emotional Regulation Disorder both Master Xio and Healer Girth agreed that he had. It didn't make for a good combination.

Still, what was done was done, and he was tired of running from the consequences of his actions, even if facing them was painful and uncomfortable.

Especially right now.

"I... don't know," he started, trying to concentrate on the knot of emotion involved in what he'd done to his former master. The Jedi healer waited patiently as he organized his thoughts. "I... part of me is proud of what I did... but I still took a life, so part of me is ashamed. Part of me just wanted him to stop hurting Luke and part of me..." Oh, he so did not want to acknowledge this... but his therapists insisted that being completely honest with himself would help him, and they hadn't really steered him wrong before. So he grit his teeth, and said it, "Part of me feels... feels terrible. That part of me still... still saw him as... as a friend," he practically spat the word, "and mentor. How stupid is that?"

Master Xio sighed. "Anakin, what you know," she tapped the side of her head, "and what you feel," she put a hand over her chest, "are two different things. You can know something completely and still not feel it – still wish for it to be different.

"You wanted the person you could trust and turn to back, and that isn't a bad thing."

"Except that he never will come back. He was never truly 'there' to begin with."

"No, but there's nothing wrong in wanting what you thought you had. I'm glad we addressed this, though, because now you can look out for it when you face him again."

Anakin swallowed, but he had to admit that she had a point.

"Part of you will want to trust him again – will very likely feel badly for not trusting him. If you have to put on the facade of trusting him, part of you will probably worry you're giving in and part of you will likely be upset at deceiving him. Part of you may even want to forget that you know it isn't real. Now that you know, you can prepare yourself and try to identify those parts of you and resist.

"Actually, this leads into something I was planning on getting to today. Your therapy, Anakin has been... well, different than what is recommended for most people with ERD, mainly because we didn't diagnose it until much later into our sessions. Healer Girth and I were speaking and we decided to try something with you if you're up for it. I mentioned before that we were going to try and create a base plan for certain instances that you're likely to run into. That is part of this new therapy."

"Plan?"

She nodded. "Yes. Here, just a moment." She pulled out her comm and opened it.

"You can come in now."

It took Anakin a moment to realize that there were, indeed, two presences on the other side of the door and he mentally kicked himself for not being aware. He also wondered what that said about his mind-set in the therapy sessions.

A moment later, it opened and both occupants of the room turned to see Healer Girth and Master Yoda stepping through the entrance. Right, they still had to figure out what was going to happen with the Jedi Council insisting Anakin tell them about his dark master.

Suddenly, he just wanted this day to be over.

Acknowledging the feeling, he released it to the Force with a sigh.

"Master Yoda. Healer Girth," Master Xio said, standing and bowing respectfully in their direction.

"Master Xio, Anakin," the drall returned with a slight bow of his own.

"Hmm. Good, it is, to see you both."

The two diminutive beings walked over to the couch and hefted themselves onto it. Anakin wondered why they didn't have a shorter couch or chairs to accommodate their smaller statures.

"Thank you both for coming," Master Xio said as she took her own seat again. "We were just discussing creating a plan for specific instances when Anakin goes to see Palpatine."

"Oh, excellent!" Healer Girth said with a smile. He turned his furry head to Anakin. "Did you come up with anything?"

Anakin shook his head. He rarely took the time to sit down and plan (now that the Emperor didn't  _make_ him half the time) because no plan survived first contact; especially his plans. Still, the idea of going into the Senate with some clue of what he was doing had already done a lot to calm him down, so he resigned himself to the necessity this time.

"If I can manage to speak to him without giving away how... worried he makes me, I don't believe I will have a problem."

"Hmm. Help there, I can. Go with you, the first time, I will," Master Yoda said. "Although wish to note, I do, that like this arrangement, I do not."

Anakin sighed. "Noted."

The green being nodded and rested his head on his hands atop his gimmer stick, saying nothing more now that he'd spoken his piece.

"But, Anakin, do you honestly think that he won't say something that could take you off guard or make you panic? Or feel cornered?" Master Xio asked, sounding rather concerned herself.

Anakin sighed. "If I do things as I should, I won't panic at all."

She raised an eyebrow in question. "Do you want to take that chance?"

Well, put that way, no... no he didn't.

So maybe looking at this was a good idea. He pushed his uncertainties and weariness aside for now and focused on the conversation.

"So if he takes you off guard or makes you feel panicked, what do you think the best option would be?" Healer Girth asked.

Anakin frowned. "It... would depend on why I was worrying or panicking," he said.

"Well, figuring out why you are panicking would be a good thing, but could you do that in his presence?" Healer Girth asked.

Anakin actually shot him a dry look. "Simply being in his presence will not prohibit my ability to think." Well, not much. Or at least that particular situation wouldn't be something he hadn't dealt with before. But then, wasn't that part of the problem here?

"Very well," Master Xio said, typing on her data pad again. "We can put that down as step 1: Figure out why you're panicking."

She took his silence as incentive to continue. "If figuring out why you're upset can calm you down enough, you can decide whether to go onto step 2 or not."

"What will step 2 be?"

"Ideally, getting you out of the situation, even if only for a few minutes, so you can calm down," Master Xio stated.

"Indeed," Girth nodded. "If you cannot figure out why you're upset, or figuring it out does little to help you, then find an excuse to leave his presence."

"That will be too obvious," Anakin protested. "He'll become suspicious."

Master Xio conceded the point with a nod, but it was Girth who spoke up.

"Well, we have two options then: find an excuse you can use – you're serving the Chancellor, of course you're going to get nervous and overwhelmed. Something along those lines. Or we can  _make_  an excuse. We can set it up so that you push a button on your comm and one of your friends or Master Yoda or myself or Master Xio or one of your teachers –  _someone_  – will call you. We can have them ask after homework, talk about how you forgot to take your 'medicine' today – I know you don't have any, we'd get you some sugar pills or the like to keep up the facade – or you have to leave early due to some complication or other."

The younger Jedi shook his head. "That will only work so many times."

Master Xio nodded, "True. But it will give us something to work with two or three times now. We can brainstorm for new ideas and discuss it at our next session."

"I also recommend a couple of calming techniques that are designed to help you pause and think things through," the drall said, bringing them back on track. "However, as most of what I usually recommend won't work in this situation, there are a couple of things that can help to ground you. We can focus on your five senses – preferably taste, smell or touch. For instance, is there a fragrance you like? We can get you a small bottle of it and you can spray it."

There were a couple – Padmé's perfumes specifically – but all of those were expensive and would draw attention. Palpatine would wonder why a child from the Jedi Temple had something so unusual and costly.

"I don't think smell will work."

Healer Girth just nodded. "How about taste then?" he asked. "We could get you some gum or a tin of mints. Those are easy to obtain and not difficult or suspicious to have on your person."

And he still loved to be able to taste. That was actually a viable option.

"I like that one better."

"Excellent," Master Xio said while Girth nodded. "And what about touch? Is there something you could rub or hold or squeeze? A stress ball, perhaps?"

"We could also get you a bottle of lotion. Just putting some on your hands can remind you to calm down and we might be able to get a good fragrance for you too."

"I think that might be too much too," Anakin said slowly, "but a stress ball... I mean, Padmé used to have some, but I've never used one."

"Padmé?"

Oh... right. He'd avoided using her name. Kriff. And did Master Yoda know he had a wife? He was pretty sure he'd said something, but Anakin couldn't remember and decided to avoid the situation for now.

"She is... someone I used to know."

He knew he hadn't fooled anyone in the room, but they all seemed willing to let it go for now.

"In any case, a tin of mints and a stress ball you can carry in the pocket of your Jedi robe are some good ideas," Master Xio piped up, making some more notes.

"What about counting backward from 20 in another language?" Girth asked. "It's a tried and true classic method," he turned to Anakin. "You focus on the numbers as hard as you can. If it's a language you're learning right now, all the better. Because the numbers mean little, it can help you to emotionally and mentally take a step back." He glanced back at master Xio. "Actually, I think that should be step 1."

"I agree," she returned with a nod, then looked over at Anakin. "What do you think?"

"Obi-wan used to tell me to do that when I got angry."

The mind-healers exchanged a glance.

"Did it work?" Master Xio asked.

Anakin shrugged. "I never used it." Well, he had, but rarely. He couldn't ever remember it working, but he couldn't remember it  _not_  working either, and it had been so long...

"Well, we're focusing specifically on panic or worry, right now, but I don't see why these methods couldn't work for anger in a pinch," Girth commented. Then he met Anakin's gaze again. "If you're willing to try."

It really wasn't difficult to see how distracting himself and trying to take an emotional step back could help him in front of Palpatine, so he nodded. It was better than his method of focusing on his hatred or of how to kill the next Jedi he came across in any case. After all, that was how he'd dealt with Palpatine's presence before. That, or forcing himself to focus on what Palpatine wanted him to focus on and nothing else. That had taken a while to perfect... and it might actually be a plan of action he could still use if necessary.

Alright, so the plan is to go in as calmly as he could and focus on whatever he needed to focus on to keep up his facade. Simple enough and he could work with it if he needed to adjust.

"Let's just walk through it all for now," Master Xio said with a smile. "So, if you find your emotions are getting to be too much to handle, the first thing you do?"

"Count backwards from 20 in a random language, squeeze the stress ball and eat a mint," Anakin answered, glad he'd been able to follow everything until now. "This will help me take an emotional and mental step back so I can analyze the situation better."

"And step 2?"

"Analyze why I feel what I feel."

"Excellent," Healer Girth grinned. "And step 3?"

"If I can analyze my emotions and it calms me down or I feel I can handle it, carry on. If I can't analyze my emotion or it doesn't help, find a way to get out."

Girth nodded, but also held up his paw. "I want to say that normally, we wouldn't want you to get out of most undesirable situations. It encourages avoidance, and while avoiding your triggers can be positive, there are times where you will have to deal with them and can't just get out. At that point, you need to be able to face them."

"However, most such situations don't involve a Sith Lord bent on ruling the universe who is extremely intelligent and who can possibly read your emotions if not your mind," Master Xio said a bit wryly.

The drall snorted softly. "Indeed." He turned to Anakin again. "It's something to keep in mind in the future. If you're in a situation you would usually rather avoid for emotional reasons, try to use these steps to help yourself get through the situation instead."

Anakin blinked. What kinds of situations could he possibly get into that he couldn't otherwise handle?

"Like what?" he asked.

For the first time in a while, Master Yoda spoke up. "Noticed, I have, that speak of your emotions, you do not. Speak of your shortcomings, you do not, although admit that you have them, you do often."

Master Xio looked like she agreed. "We did kind of have to pry it all out of you."

Anakin thought of his old timeline, when he and Obi-wan would dance around issues they had for weeks or months (sometimes years) before a situation would force them to actually say something about it. Hadn't that been one of the reasons why he'd never told his old master about Padmé? It had all been about saving face and keeping up the illusion that he was... well, the best.

"I... think I see what you mean," he finally said slowly. "And I will... endeavor to not allow such things to happen in the future."

Master Xio smiled. "Thank you, Anakin. Now, we'll give you a comm where you can push a button and it will alert one of us. Whoever can get to you first will be the one to respond. After the first two times, we'll try and figure something else out."

"Hopefully it won't get that far," Anakin said. He still wasn't sure this would be a reliable failsafe, but having a general plan in place did help.

"I hope you know that all of this applies if you're out of Palpatine's vicinity too," Girth pointed out, a soft smile on his face. "Although you'll have more options available to you, and again, we'd prefer if you didn't make a habit out of avoiding difficult things."

The room fell silent for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts, until Master Xio spoke up. "We should also set up some code words for Anakin to use depending on the severity of the situation. For instance, we could use colors. You describe something white to mean that you're fine or that there isn't actually a problem – you accidentally hit the button or it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. You mention something blue to indicate that it's something you'll be able to deal with in a few minutes and just need to step out. You mention something yellow to indicate that you might need a break for the day, and something red for us to get you out ASAP."

Obviously Master Xio didn't study codes. But it wasn't like they needed anything elaborate right now, and it was something easy that they could all remember.

"I agree," Girth said with a nod of his head before he turned his beady eyes on Anakin. "But only if you will use that system responsibly. That means being as honest with yourself and with us as you can be. If you press the button and need to get out for a few minutes, no telling us you're fine. You won't trouble us. And it goes just as well in the other direction. If you use the 'red' code once, I think we should reconsider you going back at all. If you use the yellow one several times in a row, that is also a sign that we should reconsider."

"We'll find a way and a reason," Master Xio said to Anakin, stopping him from voicing a protest. "But your mental health comes first here. If you use the red code, that's perfectly fine, but Girth is right. It is likely a sign that you may not be able to go back, for whatever reason. Obviously it will be a case by case basis, but we will reconsider you returning to his presence if it proves to be too much. And considering your history with him, that would be perfectly understandable."

"And finally," Healer Girth said again, "we need a plan for afterwards. Master Xio and I won't always be available, especially if you come back early. But going off on your own is not a good idea."

"Yes, that will be strictly forbidden," Master Xio agreed. "If Healer Girth or myself aren't available, seek out Master Yoda, or Siri, or one of your friends. Find a way to not be alone. That is very important."

Anakin cocked his head, confused. "Why?" Couldn't he just go off and train? That was how he'd dealt with things up until this point.

"Because after being with someone like him, who can twist your words and thoughts and ideas, it's important to counteract that as quickly as possible," Healer Girth said, his voice almost grave. "If you don't, it can lead to the thoughts and ideas festering, tearing down your morale and building up bad habits. It allows those ideas to take root, which can make them even more difficult to talk about."

Master Xio nodded in agreement. "Yes, we need you to find someone to speak with about these things."

"So preferably someone in the know," Anakin muttered.

"Or to a Master, you could go," Master Yoda said thoughtfully. "As long as speak only, you do, about what the Chancellor told you, hmm?"

"As a last resort," Anakin asked a bit dryly.

Master Yoda nodded.

He could already tell how uncomfortable that would be. But again, the mind-healers hadn't steered him wrong yet.

"Very well," he conceded. "Find someone and talk to them about Palpatine as the last step."

"Even if what you spoke of with him doesn't seem too serious, we still need you to do it," Master Xio insisted.

Anakin wanted to sigh. This just seemed like it would be more work he didn't have time for. But this was Palpatine they were talking about. He knew how dangerous that man could be. So he nodded again.

"Excellent," Master Xio stated, exchanging a relieved smile with Healer Girth.

"I think that concludes everything we needed to talk about regarding that," the drall said with a satisfied nod.

"Now," Master Yoda spoke up again, "speak, we should, of the Council summons."

Anakin didn't groan, but it was a near thing. He already felt emotionally drained. But this had to be done. Story of his life, lately.

"Yes, Master."

xXx

It actually didn't turn out to be so badly, especially seeing as neither Master Xio or Healer Girth thought now was a good time to let Anakin be questioned about Palpatine, for which he was incredibly grateful. Master Xio even said she would personally go before the Council and demand they wait until Anakin was ready.

Right as he was leaving, it really hit him how lucky he was for having two therapists who fit so well with him. Somehow he doubted that everyone got their therapists right on the first try.

Or, perhaps it was the will of the Force instead of luck.

He went to bed smiling that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry it might seem a bit rushed, but the chapter was rather long already and next chapter is all about The Meeting *dun dun dun*, so I didn't want to take away from it by putting more therapy stuff in there. I like to keep those to 1 chapter in most cases.
> 
> So, apparently some of my amazing readers are people who have actually been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (what I'm calling Emotional Regulation Disorder or ERD in this story) and after consulting them, they suggested to actually map out plans for situations because it's a very common treatment for borderline personality disorder. If Anakin has pre-thought-out things to do when he begins to panic, it will help him remain calm and actually think things through. At least, that's the idea behind it. We'll see if it actually pans out that way. LOL
> 
> Thank you again for your support! It means so much to me! I'm looking to get a book published here soon, so if that works, I'll let people know. :) Probably won't be for a few months at best, but yeah.
> 
> Merry Christmas or whatever you celebrate!
> 
> –Thanks to my beta readers, Khalthar, BoyTranscending and Carradee!


	5. Chapter 5

He was back on Tatooine again.

Somehow, he couldn't help but let out a sigh as he dropped to the sand. This was getting tiring.

"So," a voice beside him said. "Tomorrow."

Anakin glanced over at Qui-gon sitting serenely on the sand watching the sunset. He didn't look at Anakin and that in and of itself said quite a lot.

He turned back to look at the sunset himself. "Yeah."

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, watching the wind change the dunes in front of them. It didn't seem to touch the two of them, funnily enough.

"I won't ask you if you're alright or if you're sure," Qui-gon finally said. "It won't do either of us any good. But I will ask that if you feel overwhelmed either before or after you get there, that you do not try to stay out of pride. That is a mistake I made all too often."

Anakin felt a jolt of surprise. "You?"

Qui-gon snorted. "When Obi-wan isn't hurting so much, you should ask him about my legendary stubbornness. Tell him you overheard Mace talking about it." His grin was wry, if a little sad, and he still didn't look over at Anakin.

The former Sith thought about that. The Qui-gon he knew had seemed underhanded and determined, but now that the older man mentioned it, Anakin could see hints of the man's stubborn nature. It just hadn't really occurred to him before.

He almost snorted, but instead lowered it to an emphasized 'hm' instead.

Then the mood sobered again.

"I know you tire of hearing people asking you if you're sure you can do this, but they merely worry."

This time, Anakin did snort although it ended up rather dry. "As well they should." He noted that Qui-gon had finally turned to study him, face blank. The former Sith had to stop himself from shrinking back under the scrutiny. "I am well aware of the risks, Qui-gon. I am in far better of a position to understand than most. But I have to do this. I have to prove – if only to myself – that my fear of the past will not rule me." He felt his gaze harden. "I want to put Darth Vader behind me once and for all, and I think... no, I  _know_  this will help."

Anakin tried once again to squash the voice in the back of his head that whispered questions.  _What if you're not ready? Are you willing to risk the future of the Galaxy on this? How selfish and reckless can you be? What if he sees right through you? What if you don't even realize he's changing you?_ Again.  _Are you sure you'll be able to recognize his manipulations?_

"I can tell that you're questioning yourself," Qui-gon thankfully interrupted that rather destructive line of thinking. "It's understandable that you're worried."

Anakin slumped. "I'd be a fool not to be. He is so good at locating small flaws and working on them until that is all you see, and he does it in a way that still makes him seem benevolent."

"Hmm," Qui-gon said after a moment, contemplative. "Well, would you like me, as a former manipulator, to tell you the two best ways to manipulate one?"

The sands changed. Anakin blinked. That... hadn't been what he'd expected from the other man.

He glanced suspiciously at Qui-gon, curious in spite of himself, then raised an eyebrow deliberately to encourage him to continue.

Qui-gon chuckled and shook his head before once again turning serious. "The first thing you must remember is to choose – create even – your own battlefield by giving him a weakness that isn't a weakness. You say he's good at finding chinks in your mental armor, so place some bait. Make it look as if there is a weakness where there isn't. You will have to put your whole body into the illusion – especially in front of Palpatine. If he is as good as you say he is, then nothing half-hearted will do, but if you can pull it off, it will draw his attention away from your real chinks."

Anakin blinked. That... was brilliant. "Can you give me an example?" he asked slowly. He got the concept, but he always had been a kinetic learner and examples helped.

The dead Jedi nodded and thought for a moment. "Let's take podracing for example. You and I both know that you love it. You have very little negative to associate with it, so it is one of your greatest strengths. Now of course, Palpatine is going to try to find a weakness. He is going to antagonize you and attempt to make you angry or uncertain or even trusting so that you'll slip up and tell him what he wants to know. So, when it's natural to do so, you mention podracing, stating that while you are exceptionally good at it, you don't like doing it because of how dangerous it is or it makes your mother feel. If you can sell it well enough, then he will believe that podracing is a potential weakness of yours, when in fact, it is not. You can present a facade of negative passion about podracing and allow yourself to put effort and energy into maintaining that facade, offering it as a point he can pick at or exploit when in reality, you are in complete control the entire time."

He faded off, contemplating. "Perhaps that isn't the best scenario, but I hope it illustrates my point."

Ah, it did. Not well, but Anakin did feel he grasped the general idea better. "So point out a topic that isn't really an issue with me, but react as if it was. Act."

"Indeed," Qui-gon said, sounding pleased.

"Hmm," Anakin said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. He'd never been particularly good at acting, but perhaps he could look into it?

"The second, and arguably the most important thing you have to remember is to give manipulators what they expect. Show him that you are a Jedi Initiate, with all the flaws and strengths that that implies. It might even be a good idea to model yourself after one of your friends, then just ask yourself what they would do in any given situation that comes up."

That... actually wasn't a bad idea.

"So why are you just telling me this now?" Anakin asked. He would have liked a little time to work through all of this and find ways to help himself implement the suggestions more easily.

"Because this is the first time I've really been able to contact you since that vision."

Anakin blinked. "On Ilum?"

Qui-gon nodded serenely.

"You were... really there?"

Again he nodded. "And you weren't exactly in the right mind set for me to bring this up then."

Well, Anakin couldn't argue with that. Still, the thought of anyone seeing him like that caused him no little embarrassment.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of," Qui-gon said soothingly.

Anakin didn't answer. Because how we he  _not_  supposed to be ashamed of that?

The older Jedi seemed to sense that he wouldn't get anywhere with the topic and thankfully dropped it.

"I want you to know, Anakin," he finally said after a couple of silent minutes, "that I will do my best to support you. I can't manifest on the physical plain, not yet, but for that reason he cannot completely stop me from being with you. If it goes sideways, I'll do my best to get you help."

Anakin blinked. Part of him wanted to refuse, to save his pride and say he could do this alone... but most of him knew how that wasn't true. Most of him... couldn't help but be touched.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Qui-gon smile. "You really have come a long way, Anakin."

He didn't know exactly what had brought that on, but he appreciated that too. He just sent a smile at Qui-gon before turning to look at the perpetual sunset. They sat in that comfortable silence until the scene faded away, leaving Anakin to sleep.

xXx

Anakin woke feeling surprisingly refreshed.

Which was good. He'd need all the advantages he could get. His stomach dropped to his ankles when he realized that in only a few short hours, he would be meeting with one Sheev Palpatine. And suddenly his potential good mood went South. Oh, Force.

The morning felt as if it were crawling by, and yet when he met Yoda on the Temple steps, he wondered where the time had gone. He and Yoda rode a taxi to the Senate building in silence, Anakin trying not to be sick the entire time.

He barely noticed himself stepping out of the taxi and onto the steps of their destination until the taxi drove away. He watched it go before swallowing and looking up at the giant, looming structure. He'd never noticed how sinister of an air it had about it before. Then again, Padmé had been there as well, in most of his memories. That probably had a lot to do with how he perceived the entire place. The fact that she wasn't here now and still had at least 6 years to go before her term as Queen was up so she could be even considered as Senator...

A cough from Yoda brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to look at the ancient master. He looked worried.

"Let's go," Anakin said determinedly and walked through the enormous front doors. He knew where to go, but followed Master Yoda as he shuffled along, watching the people coming and going. He even saw a few people he knew and managed a wave and a smile that he hoped didn't look too forced.

It took forever and a blink of an eye to get to the Chancellor's chamber. Anakin was really beginning to hate that dichotomy. He stood there in front of the door, looking at the muted color of the duraplast but unable to move forward.

Again, it was Master Yoda who spoke up.

"Have to do this, you do not. Reminding you, I am. An excuse, we can still make."

Anakin blinked at his companion and for one very long moment, found himself extremely tempted. Just getting away from all of this sounded so desirable... And yet...

He remembered his words to Qui-gon the night before.

'I want to put Darth Vader behind me once and for all, and... I  _know_  this will help.'

"You're wrong," Anakin heard himself say softly. "I do have to do this. For me."

Maybe he was being selfish, but he couldn't live with himself if he got this far and ran away now. Force, he already had a hard time living with himself, and he didn't need to make that any worse.

Yoda seemed to study him for several seconds before his ears drooped ever so slightly and he sighed. Then he lifted his cane and used it to hit the button that would open the door to the waiting room. A human woman with dark hair sitting behind a rich, wooden desk looked up as they walked into the opulent room. Anakin could practically feel the luxury dripping off of every chair, every table, every decoration, every light fixture... even the carpet and wall paint.

Not that Sheev Palpatine would have anything less.

The hawkbats in his stomach turned into a Kaminoan storm, but he kept his face firmly blank and tried to release it all to the Force. Yoda still shot a glance at him before approaching the desk. Anakin followed him, feeling himself tense with every step. When Yoda stopped, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, reached into his pocket and felt the stress ball. He squeezed it while counting in his head in Mando'a.

It helped, surprisingly enough.

A clawed hand on his arm brought him back to the present and he looked up to see Yoda.

"I'm fine," he muttered quietly.

Yoda didn't look convinced, but he didn't call Anakin's bluff. "Then follow me, you should," was all he said as he turned towards the door in the back of the room. He also tipped his head in the direction of the secretary and waved. Anakin followed his lead and sent her the widest smile he could manage. It convinced her, apparently because she grinned back and then turned her attention to her work again.

Anakin squeezed and released his stress ball over and over again as they approached the door, forcing his muscles to relax as he reminded himself that he'd already seen Palpatine in this time period. He'd already faced the guy a couple of times. It wasn't perfect, but a padawan meeting the most politically powerful man in the universe should be a little nervous.

They paused in front of the door again and he glanced over at Yoda, nodding his head as it opened. He saw the figure sitting behind the dark-ebony desk and suddenly, he wasn't in the Senate building, but in the Imperial Palace. The Emperor had turned the Senate into his own residence, allowing the Imperial Senate to meet there and discuss things on his terms.

It had gone through some rather major renovations, though. The dark, spacious throne room extruded an elegant menace, somehow making it both desirable and detestable at the same time. How very like the man who had taken over the Republic, turning it into his very own kingdom, and Anakin – Vader – waited to be acknowledged by the Emperor.

He suddenly found it much easier to clamp down on his feelings, knowing if he didn't then there would be pain, if he were lucky. Above all else, the Emperor liked control the most, and so he punished what he could sense that he didn't like – and what he didn't like depended on his mood as often as it didn't. He could only hope that Palpatine wasn't in a good mood today. As odd as it seemed, those were the most painful days. Blanking his face as he always did – it helped with his emotions, even if no one could see his face – he stood at attention, feeling the familiar form and taking what comfort he could from it. He had to make sure the Emperor couldn't read anything off of him – he couldn't afford the weakness.

"Initiate?"

A blink and he was back in the Senate building. Yoda was watching him with an unreadable expression and Palpatine seemed curious and confused.

He'd been acknowledged, so he walked in, making sure his steps were confident and sure, stopping in front of his desk and bowing. He barely stopped himself from asking what his Master's bidding was.

"Well," Palpatine said, glancing from Anakin to Yoda, who hobbled up beside him, "he certainly seems to know how to make one feel... respected."

"Hmm, breaking him of his old habits, we are," Master Yoda said, almost in passing. Anakin took a deep breath but didn't dare let his hands back in his pockets to reach for that stress ball, let alone the mints. He'd thought he would be able to handle this, but now he realized that he'd forgotten what being in this man's presence was really like. Even after his two meetings in this timeline, he'd forgotten. If he showed he'd forgotten, Sidious would make sure he didn't forget again. And it would be painful.

"You can be at ease, young man," Palpatine assured him.

Anakin nodded once and took an at ease military position.

"I meant you can sit down," he said, gesturing to one of the seats in front of the desk.

For a moment, that didn't compute. The former Sith glanced down as if seeing the soft, cream-colored chair for the first time. Then he glanced up at Palpatine as if to be sure, then back at the seat, then at Master Yoda before finally lowering himself, slowly and stiffly, into the chair as if it would attack him for doing so.

"I suppose that meeting the Chancellor like this can be a little overwhelming," Palpatine said in an understanding voice that simultaneously made Anakin want to brace himself and relax.

And Anakin had to go through another hour of this... maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Hmm, indeed," Yoda agreed, obviously taking his cue from Anakin. He was a much better actor than his fellow Jedi, looking far more at ease in the presence of the Sith Lord. Again, it didn't seem to compute in Anakin's head. How could he just be so  _calm_  about this whole thing?

Because he had to be to not draw suspicion. Right.

Anakin closed his eyes, reminded himself that he wasn't in the future, Sidious didn't know him or anything about him, they had no history. He counted backwards from 10 in Bothan and forced himself to relax.

When he opened his eyes, he felt a little more like a Jedi Initiate instead of an apprentice Sith Lord. It wasn't much, but he'd take what he could get.

"What is your name, my boy?" Palpatine asked him kindly, setting his current work aside.

Anakin wanted to swallow but didn't dare. He glanced at Yoda again before opening his mouth.

"Anakin Skywalker, sir." The words came out far calmer than he would have imagined they could and he mentally patted his back.

"Excellent. I'm pleased to have both you and Master Yoda here today. Although I will admit, I didn't expect the Grandmaster to come himself."

"Nervous to meet the Chancellor, Initiate Skywalker was. Some time, I could make."

"Ah, yes. Well, now that you're here, I'm not so bad, am I?" he turned back to Anakin with a welcoming, grandfatherly smile. There was no malice in it, and yet it made Anakin's heart sink and his stomach tie into knots. He hoped he wasn't visibly sweating.

"I... suppose not, sir," Anakin said hesitantly, forcing the words out and hating how bitter they tasted on his tongue.

The older man's smile widened and he sat back in his chair. Anakin had to look away. That pose reminded him far too much of how the Emperor preferred to sit.

Oh, this was so much harder than he thought it would be.

They were right. He wasn't ready.

He was right. He'd never be ready.

Kriff.

"Well, why don't you tell me about yourself. I know I've met you before. You were at Naboo, right?"

And he couldn't back down now.

He forced himself to put his hand in his pocket and reach for the stress ball, whether Palpatine could see or not. He wasn't Vader anymore. This wasn't Sidious... well, his Sidious. Ugh. He squeezed the thing as tightly as he could, took a deep breath and nodded. He hoped the smile he gave didn't look too forced.

"I was. I come from an outer rim planet fairly near there," the less information he could give the better, so no names. "Master Qui-gon Jinn and his Padawan, Obi-wan Kenobi, landed there with the Queen and her entourage after escaping the blockade."

"Ah, yes, I remember that. Please continue."

"Master Qui-gon secured my help in obtaining the parts he needed and in turn he freed me—"

"Freed?"

Anakin felt his mouth go dry. He'd said too much... no, wait, he was supposed to tell Palpatine that he was a slave. It would make his strained actions far more explainable. Didn't mean he had to like it.

"Yes, sir," he replied, focusing on keeping his voice steady. "I was a slave."

"That's... terrible! I... didn't know that things like that still happened in the universe. The Republic's laws should counter all of that!"

"It was Hutt territory," the blond boy muttered. That was too much information too. He'd already given Palpatine anything he'd need to track down Anakin's origin. Kriff.

"Your... master must have run you ragged. You speak very well for a child your age, let alone a slave. That's quite the accomplishment."

"He... was very strict," Anakin said, mentally kicking himself. He'd gotten past this months – over a year – ago. He needed to stop talking like the second in command of the Imperial Army and more like the child he currently was.

"You poor child," Palpatine said, just the right amount of worry and sadness injected into his voice.

Anakin had known his former master was good. He hadn't realized just  _how_  good. Honest-looking smiles weren't supposed to be faked, but each one of Palpatine's looked genuine. Of course, it had been years – decades – since the Sidious he'd known had been required to act or put on a front of any kind, but still, this was another level altogether than he'd been expecting.

And he hated himself for that spark of respect he felt. This was Sidious! The Sith Lord who had brought the universe to its knees and destroyed so many lives! He shouldn't be feeling any respect for him at all!

He squeezed his stress ball harder.

"I... don't need your pity," he managed to get out, allowing the real resentment he felt at the expression to show through. Misdirection. Give him exactly what he expects. Qui-gon's words rang through his head and his determination hardened.

"Of course not," Palpatine said with a nod of his head. "My apologies."

Lies.

Palpatine wouldn't ever apologize and mean it.

"In any case, please, continue."

"I... was brought to the Jedi Temple."

"Yes, I remember. How old were you?"

"... Nine, My Lord."

The Chancellor waved his hand dismissively, eyes darting to Yoda for the barest moment – if Anakin had blinked, he would have missed it. "Please, just Chancellor will do."

"... Yes, Chancellor."

"You were nine? I was under the impression that that was too old to begin training to become a Jedi."

At that, Anakin looked over at Yoda. Palpatine, thankfully, followed his gaze and Anakin felt himself relax ever so slightly.

"Considering some changes, we are. Spoken about this before, the Council has. An opportunity we saw when presented Initiate Skywalker was."

"Ah, so you might be the first of many new Jedi your age," the Sith-in-disguise said with a thoughtful nod.

"If it goes well, sir," Anakin responded quietly.

"Oh, I'm sure it will. You seem like a bright young lad."

Anakin squeezed his ball again and forced a small smile onto his face. "Thank you, sir." He didn't squeak, but it was a near thing. This wasn't getting easier.

"Well, let me tell you what I expect of you, Initiate Skywalker. I will likely have several errands I need you to run when you're here, and honestly, that will be your main duty. My secretary, Mrs. Meddion*, may also have errands and the odd chore for you to do. I understand that you've been in the program for a while, so I'm sure that you'll find my office to be just like those you've served in before."

Another swallow. Anakin nodded but didn't trust himself to speak.

"Also," Palpatine went on, "I want you to know that if you have any questions about what's going on, I'd like you to ask me or Mrs. Meddion. If we can tell you, we'll gladly explain."

Anakin nodded again, knowing he had to say something and mentally forced his throat to relax. "Thank you, sir." Well, his response had been passable, at least.

He forced himself to smile again, just a soft, small one, before looking away as if he were embarrassed or overwhelmed, but getting over it.

That's what he would expect, right?

"Excellent. Now, I have some holopads for you to deliver, and then you can report to Mrs. Meddion for anything else. If you forget which place each holopad goes to, you can simply turn it on and it will tell you. This first holopad goes to the Chandrilla delegate. This next one..."

He continued on, and Anakin made sure to memorize each one. Sidious wouldn't expect any less, and despite himself, he couldn't bring himself to dare get something wrong. He wondered if that was his old habits talking or if it were his new fear... or both?

When he was finished, Anakin nodded, stood and bowed before taking the holopads and turning to the door without a word.

"I hope to see you before you leave today, Initiate Skywalker, and thank you for coming Master Yoda."

"Hmm. No trouble, it was. Good day, Chancellor."

Anakin walked steadily out the door and through the lobby, his mind already on the assignments he would have to get done as efficiently as possible. At least he wasn't told to track down a very elusive rebellion and eliminate it this time.

"Initiate Skywalker," a voice called out to him and he paused, noting that Yoda was shuffling along as calmly as ever.

Oh, right.

The door closed behind the old Jedi as he hobbled into the room, nodding politely to Mrs. Meddion before continuing to where Anakin was standing. "At least see me out, you can," the troll admonished.

Anakin took a deep breath and tried for a sheepish smile (although he was pretty sure it just came off as a grimace). "My apologies, Master." He held the door open for the smaller being before following him out and into the hall. Once he pressed the button to have the door close behind them, he almost collapsed, staggering to the side and leaning against the wall.

"Knew this was a bad idea, I did," Yoda said.

Anakin's hands were shaking and he had to sit down. There was a small corner nearby and he put his back into it before dropping to the ground and putting his hands over his head. He hated how weak he must seem, but couldn't bring himself to care enough to actually move or put on a face. He felt like each of his nerves had been rubbed raw, as if his whole body had been wrung out and then set out to dry in the sun on some planet with no actual atmosphere – exposed to the radiation rays and the elements of space.

And he hated it.

He didn't have  _time_  for this! He had things he had to get done! He knew if he didn't that Palpatine wouldn't punish him now, but that didn't alleviate his fear or his natural instincts.

The noise of rustling fabric by his side had him glancing over at Master Yoda now sitting beside him. Anakin blinked.

"Well, you did," he finally said. "Nervous and wary and tense, you were, but no more than one would have expected. One such as he, even." Anakin read the subtext of the vague statement.  _Even to a Force Sensitive._

"Then why do I feel as if I have just given everything away?" he muttered. He honestly felt like he'd completely and utterly failed. Then again, he usually felt that way after meeting with Palpatine.

Yoda sighed. "See now, do you, why too soon, this was?"

Anakin shut his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. "But it wouldn't have ever been better," he muttered. "I never would have been ready."

The old master didn't respond, but Anakin could feel his disapproval, even if he seemed to have conceded for now.

"Do you know the worst part?" he asked softly. "I still want to please him. I still want his praise and his approval. Even knowing..." he thought of where he was and realized there might be listening devices. It was just like Palpatine to bug the entire corridor outside his place. Had his paranoia reached those types of heights yet? "Even knowing what I do," he finally said, hoping that was vague enough.

"Not unexpected, that is."

"But it is unacceptable." He couldn't – shouldn't – think like that! He knew better! He  _knew_  better!

Yoda sighed again. "Expect too much of yourself, you do."

Anakin couldn't really argue with that. That didn't stop the fact that they didn't really have much of another choice at the moment.

"I have to do this," he finally said. "Even if it destroys me... I have to." That, at least, hadn't changed.

"Hmm," the smaller being replied in a tone that said he didn't agree or disagree. Then, after a moment, he spoke again. "Tell him the truth, you should."

Anakin's head whipped over so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. He couldn't say anything, just staring in a sort of uncomprehending betrayal at the being beside him.

"That remind you of a former master, he does."

They both sat there as the younger boy blinked at the ancient creature next to him. That... that could work. He'll exploit the kriff out of it, but that was something Anakin could plan for, and it would explain his nervousness around the man.

"I... hate the idea of telling him anything remotely true."

Yoda frowned. "Then withdraw you from the program, I will. Too dangerous, this is."

Anakin sighed. "No, that would only make everything worse. I can tell him that. I will tell him. I promise. And I won't leave things out in the future just because they might be true. I'll... I'll think about what I say and consider... the larger picture before I speak." Even though he hated doing that. Even though he felt that that's what Vader would do and not Anakin. Even though he almost felt as if he were betraying any morals he had.

And Yoda could tell. He could still practically feel the small Master's reluctance, but he hid it behind a very convincing facade.

"Good. Now," Master Yoda used his gimmer stick to lever himself up, "have errands to run, you do. Have a temple to get back to, I do."

Anakin was tempted to ask him to stay... but he knew that would be too suspicious. So he nodded and rose to his own feet. He took a deep breath, released everything he could to the Force and felt it embrace him back. Warm and comforting, it bolstered him more than anything else could.

Even this close to a Sith Lord, the Force – the light – was still there. He glanced at the old Jedi Master beginning to shuffle out into the hallway and reminded himself that he would still have allies and could still call on the light for strength.

He also realized he'd gone face-to-face with Palpatine, had a discussion with him, even, and come out in the most positive position they could expect at this point. They had plans in place, they had contingencies to those plans, and he had the support he needed. He could do this.

For the first time, he actually began to believe that, even if it was only the barest sliver of that belief.

"Honest with me, you should be: Alright will you be?" Yoda asked, looking up at Anakin in concern.

Anakin took another breath and nodded. "Yeah, I will be."

"Hmm," Yoda responded, rubbing his chin a little with his clawed hand. Then he turned and began to shuffle away. "See me out, you can."

A real, if watery smile came to the boy's lips, just for an instant. "Yes, Master Yoda," he said as he caught up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I'd like to thank Khalthar and Carradee for their fabulous help in beta reading. Luv you guys! Also thank you to everyone who has read this and everyone who has commented!
> 
> Sorry this took so long. The next one shouldn't take nearly so long to get up.
> 
> *Also, Mrs. Meddion is his secretary. He had a different secretary later on, but this is at the very beginning of his term, so he'd still be kissing up to people.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: This does NOT mean that Obi-wan and Anakin are finished! They still have plenty of bonding coming up! Promise!
> 
> Also, expect updates once every few months. I have a lot going on right now, including putting up a new webcomic! It's a gag comic with a bit of a story behind it, and completely free! It's on webtoons under 'discover', look up HACamp (author) and it should be the only one that comes up. I'd appreciate people taking a look at it. Just note, this is my first webcomic. I'm trying to keep the quality up, but yeah...


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